Forever in Grayscale

Forever in Grayscale: Chapter Twelve

Chapter Twelve: Carmen’s POV

                What had happened?

                I depart from Grayson, wrapping my arms around my torso, feeling suddenly cold. The fear in being taken, the fear in being so close to death, the fear in realizing a few more seconds in and I’d have been dead – those fears won’t dissolve any time soon. A pounding headache erupts in my head and I feel like sinking to the ground and crying. But I can’t, because I’m here.

                I never remembered despising the pack’s house so much. I never remember despising it at all… so what is this? I trail over to the couch and sling myself across it, clutching my head with a shaky hand. For now, the only thing I can be glad of is that the living room is empty. I’m tired of questions, and I’ve only been asked a few.

                I want to sleep.

                But I’m too busy thinking about what happened afterwards.

                My eyes had opened as I lay on that stone table. The first thing I felt was the liquid sleeping at my sides – my own blood, running over my wrists and arms in a way that would be beautiful if it weren’t blood. The first thing I saw was the outline of trees, horribly blurry, and I feared I had impaired my vision somehow. But then the world started to clear, and standing there I could finally see Xavier.

                I was exhausted, not even enough energy to bring myself to feel embarrassed he lacked any clothes. Crimson liquid started at the base of his mouth and trailed down his chest, and encircling us, thirty people, dead, their silver cloaks stained in the red of their blood. The pain in my body was excruciating, and in my blurred vision, it was clear Xavier hadn’t noticed my awakening. So even in my pain, I forced myself up, trying to find something stable to grip onto, but everything was slippery, much too slippery with my blood.

                Once I managed that, his eyes held on mine and narrowed. I knew then I was about to get scolded for my stupidity. And the way he strode towards me, I braced myself to be hit. Never had I seen Xavier look so livid. But he veered and left.

                I remember sitting there alone, head throbbing, heart crying out as to why I was just left there by myself. Tears had filled my eyes and I bent my head, ready to cry from hopelessness. But arms scooped me up from behind and I was being carried by Xavier, who had pulled on his clothes, a pair of jeans and a white button up shirt. The blood on his chest was soaking slowly through it, and I squeezed my eyes shut, not liking the feel of his clothes soaked in the blood of other people.

                He didn’t say anything as he carried me. I hated it but I loved it. Why was I being carried like a child, incapable of even walking? Why wouldn’t he talk, tell me how stupid I was, curse me, yell at me, tear at me? I wanted it. I welcomed it. I needed something. But it never came so I hung there, imagining myself suspended like a ragdoll, and bit my tongue until it bled. And I loved it because someone had come for me. At least then I knew I wasn’t so unimportant that my pack would have let me die.

                The forest seemed forever, and I wanted to scream. I wanted to get back to my home, my bed, let my parents nurse me, I wanted to talk to Chess and Nate and Jace and watch some anime. But there came a point Xavier stopped and propped me up against a rough tree. I could feel the design of the bark pressing into my back and my uneasiness returned as Xavier strode away again.

                The only thing I felt I could do was let my eyes close, but as soon as that happened, a hand whipped across my face hard, and my eyes flew open to see Xavier crouched over me, clean of all traces of blood that was there before. The sting of his slap still echoed through my ears and I could only blink my confusion at him. His grey eyes softened and he let out a little sigh that hit my face like a tiny summer breeze, a stream of warm air.

                “You’re not supposed to fall asleep, I’m sorry,” he had said, then before I could even reply his lips pressed lightly against my cheek. Looking back I wish I had the energy to hit him for that, for taking advantage of my weak state to do something so sweet.

                But it was only a kiss on the cheek, so I’m glad I didn’t.

                And then after that, he unzipped my jacket and slipped me out of it. I didn’t question him. It was dripping in blood anyways. He disappeared again, but now I had the assurance he would come back. And he did, my jacket still dripping in his hand, but it was free of blood.

                “Was there a creek?” I had breathed, trying to be audible but I didn’t quite have the energy to reach anything above a whisper. He just grunted and nodded, picking me back up again. I curled up against him, cold without my jacket. And we walked.

                The trees thinned and we entered the trail, where people actually walked. Occasionally he would give me a sort of violent shake to stop me from falling asleep. The third time however, my eyes opened to see Jace standing there on the trail, staring at me. He had a stocking hat on and a jacket zipped up to his chin and I had been so relieved to see a human. But the way he looked at me and Xavier made me feel upset, so I tried my best to squirm out of Xavier’s arms. To my pleasure he released me, but only sort of. He held me from behind, his arms around my waist helping me stand.

                Jace stepped forward slightly. “What happened Carmen?”

                Xavier spoke for me just as I opened my mouth. “Can she get back to you later? She’s not well.”

                Jace nodded at Xavier and stepped forward again, close to me. He shoved back the sleeve on his left arm and untied a strip of cloth he was wearing as a bracelet. I watched with widened eyes as it unraveled longer and longer, until he ripped it in two. Then he wrapped each around my wrist as a bandage.

                “You should have stopped the blood as soon as possible,” he had said while working at the makeshift bandages, directed towards Xavier.

                “I’m sorry I don’t wear bandages on my arms as bracelets.”

                I wanted to sleep. But they stood there and argued.

                “You could’ve ripped up your sleeves or something. Or is it too nice of a shirt for that?” Jace had said.

                Xavier straightened up behind me, tightening his hold on me. “Carmen, we’re going to home.”

                I remember being picked up again, and craning my head to see Jace, his back towards me. But his head turned and at the last second I could see those narrow brown eyes glaring at us.