Seize The Moment

Chapter 11- Whats Happening To Us?

Lately Jimmy and I have been arguing, A LOT. I know what I did was wrong but I didn't think it was this wrong. Now I feel as if I ruined our whole relationship and I can't bare to think that this might lead to a break up. This man is the love of my life, I don't want to lose him. I've tried everything to get back to where we were. Making him breakfast and dinner, playing his favorite songs to try to get him to dance with me, and shamefully sex. Is this how love always is? If it is I should warn you not to sign up for it. It's painful.

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"Look James, I'll grab you some damn alcohol on my way home from Mariah's!" I yelled.

"Alright whatever." he said. I stormed out of his apartment slamming the door behind me. He's been really pissing me off lately and that's scaring me. We've been pushing each other further and further apart and I don't know what to do anymore.

"Hey girl." Mariah said.

I sighed. "Hi."

"What's wrong with you?"

"Me and James had an argument again."

"Oh Tor, again? You guys have some serious issues."

"Oh thanks. I had no idea." I said sarcastically. "I'm scared, Mariah. I don't want to lose him. What should I do?"

"I can't help you with that one. That's a decision you'll have to make yourself. Just make sure it bennifits both of you." She said. "But what we can do now is have a drink, you need it." She walked over to her fridge and grabbed us some beers. We just lied on the ground talking. That's exactly what I needed, someone to talk to. It made all my stress and relief disappear for awhile until it was time to go home.

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I walked through the door and through his beer on the coffee table in front of him.

"Here you go." I said.

"Thanks." He said with no sincerity.

"James, will you just cut this shit out?"

"What?"

"All this damn arguing over the littlest things. I'm getting tired of it!" I yelled.

"I'm getting tired of it too!" He yelled.

"All hove been doing is drink and drink and drink!"

"Maybe that's what I want to do to excape this hell hole."

"What's that suppose to mean?" I said.

"It's hard to be next to you without thinking about what you did, it's depressing! Our relationship is practically ruined!"

That stung. Man oh man that stung. That brought tears to my eyes.

"Torie.....I....I didn't mean it." He said softly.

"You said what you meant. James, I can't do this anymore."

"What are you talking about?"

"I can't look at you wondering if you feel the same way about me as I do to you. I think it's better for you....us....if we just broke up." He reached for my arm but I backed away. "I'm sorry but it seems like the best option." I kissed him on the cheek and walked out before I could change my mind. I reached the elevator hardly able to see because tears flooded my eyes and then I hit the down arrow.