Seize The Moment

Chapter 9- I'm Sorry

It's been a week since the incident and I haven't had much sleep. I lied awake thinking of Jimmy. How could I have been so stupid? Why the hell didn't I pull away? The more I was away from him the more I realized how much I needed him. I repeatedly called him and I tried visiting him at his apartment but the doorman wouldn't let me through. I'm an idiot. I should've never gone on the fucking reunion lunch or whatever you wanna call it. I love jimmy and I loved Ryan. Loved as in past tense.What me and Ryan had it was great but it was nothing compared to what jimmy had.
Mariah and I have been texting a lot because I won't let her in my apartment. I don't want her to see me like this nor do I want anyone else to. I've been lying in my bed eating junk food and crying. I decided I should probably go out so I toon a shower and got dressed. This was my last week off of SNL and I wanted to take advantage of the time. I walked around downtown, feeling depressed. Usually when I'm out in the city it make me happy but today not so much. I decided to go to jimmys apartment.
"Please just let me in." I said to the doorman.
"I'm sorry. Mr. Fallon had direct orders, mam."
I sighed. "I'll give you 50 bucks."
"Go on up." He said and I handed him the money.
----
I knocked on the door.
"Go away!" I heard him yell. I knocked again. I heard a moan and the door swung open. His hair was messed up and it looked like he hasn't shaved all week. His eyes widened.
"What're you doing here?" he said.
"Apologizing." He tried to close the door but I put my foot out to stop it and pushed my way through the door.
He sighed and shut the door.
"Please I don't want to talk about this." He said.
"Well we're gonna. Jimmy I'm so sorry. I was caught up in the moment and the kiss meant nothing. Ryan and I we use to have something but not anymore. You...you make me feel more than I ever did with him. I love you, James. I want you back." Tears were now rolling down my face.
"Look Torie, I want to believe you. I really do but how can I trust you again? I....I loved you." The word "loved" stung. Does that mean he doesn't anymore?
"James, you can trust me to believe that the kiss meant nothing. You just have to believe that. I know I can get your trust back if you just give me a chance." I said.
"I don't know...."
I pushed him against the wall. "I want you and only you." I said.
"I love you, Torie but I don't know if I should do this."
"But you want to. We're in love. Kiss me, Big Shot." I said wiping away my tears and started to smile. And he did, he kissed me. It felt good to have his soft lips on mine.
"I won't hurt you ever again, I promise." I said.
"I believe you." He hands found their way to my waste and I got butterflies...still.
"I kinda dig this messy hair and beard thing. It's pretty hot." I said with a laugh. He laughed to.
"I kinda dig the sweatpants and Yankees shirt, "nobody"." We laughed and then we kissed again. We headed to his room and shut the door.