lee felix,
i don't really know how you'll get this or how you'll even read this. honestly, it's pointless that i'm writing this. you're gone, you aren't here anymore. how the fuck are you even gonna see this? i should just stop writing right now but i can't. there's so much to say. you were right, writing down your thoughts is so much easier than actually speaking them out. i have so much to say but i don't know where to start. i hate that you felt the need to apologize as your last letter, there's nothing to apologize over. i did all those acts because i care about you and i chose to care about you and love you. they weren't a favor, they were a choice after choosing to love you and be there for you through it all. i promised myself that i was gonna love you through it all and be there for you through it all, even when times got hard, especially when times got hard. i regret that i never appreciated you enough, i never told you how much i loved you and i regret that so much. i cant tell you it now because you're gone and you're not coming back, you're never coming back and i just fucking hate that thought. i want you back. i feel destroyed now that you're gone, it sucks so fucking much. it hasn't even been a week and i feel so fucking depressed. i just want to end it all to be with you again. you were my sunshine, the reason why i woke up every single day and continued to breathe. you were my world and now that you're gone, i see no point anymore. i just want you back. i love you so much lee felix, it actually kills me. my heart is broken and i don't think it will ever be fixed. it physically hurts me, i can actually feel my heart breaking every single time i think of you. i just want you back, felix. i want to wake up from this horrible nightmare and be with you again. i miss you so much and i honestly don't know how i'm gonna continue to live without you. i truly don't think i'll make it. i love you, felix, forever and always.
love,
seo changbin
