Thoughts of a depressed in love teenager

Rapids

I dont really know what I'm here to say

There's a black hole in my stomach

and its sucking me in

and I cant remember who we aught to have been

I spend more time thinking about you

than I do

feeling sorry for myself

and that is saying a lot

but the fact that //you// may not exist

an embodied fact in the lingerie drawer of my life

will forever stop me from seducing the monsters that hide beneath my flesh

I am saying this here

when the walls will crush me

and the bottles will crash from themselves and

I will drown here

whispering for help

in between shampoo

My heart is in rapids

engraved in the corners surrounding the veins

I'd paint you a picture

but I'm too busy chewing my nails

and pressing my luck

to find a sheet of paper

If you could guess the word I see in my pupil

then I'd give you a prize

and that prize would be my heart

but I give it out on street corners anyway

every Tuesday afternoon

its still in my hand, crushed and beating every monday evening

At ungodly hours I am not found

between fingers

but rather icy ridges of the ac

in the canoe tossing about in this reserved space

these rapids threaten to swallow me whole and im sinking beyond relief

my //you// was meant to be the lifejacket

but the melted wax on me will have to be my saving

I wont know the temperature of my fingers on those nights but the proof remains

these words may not come out right but I am still alone"

-Rapids (4:16am)