Thoughts of a depressed in love teenager

it's not a flaw in chemistry, it's a flaw in us.

"It was late august and the sound of the sun setting at night burned our throats until words of autumn poured out. Heavenly like the stars in the night sky you were, but my mind was always caught up in something else. You said "I'm not sure I want to be alive," and my heart pounded as I talked to you slowly like they told us to do in health class. When you hung up, I pulled out my list of why I should wake up tomorrow and crossed your name out with red pen. It bled through the paper, all blurry and broken. I called the someone else and choked out laughs about the cool kids and the seasons changing and the homework. I hung up when I almost started to cry.

It was mid- september and everything that was summer air was already replaced by the burning bonfires of the fall and you were still calling me every night and I was still not responding to my mother's texts. You asked me, "What's the point if we're not even enjoying ourselves," and I told you that it was all a flaw in chemistry. I told you that it was a flaw in chemistry, and not in ourselves and you even started laughing. I hung up the phone and I stared out my window and I didn't tell you that we were our own problems. I didn't tell you that the list kept getting smaller.

It is the beginning of October and I'm still talking to the someone else and he still doesn't know what I'm really saying. The leaves are crunchy now and I'm beginning to see the life that comes with the death; your eyes that sometimes sparkle. You're still calling me and I'm still picking up and I'm still telling you that we're the same, when really we couldn't be any different. Our only similarities being that we're both sad kids in happy bodies, desperately trying to blame it on something else but ourselves. "We fit," you told me yesterday, your shaking breath creating friction through the phone, and I agreed.You hung up when the words didn't mean anything anymore and now it's almost November."

it's not a flaw in chemistry, it's a flaw in us//