Save Me (Foolish Angel, Sinful Demon)

Ever Since Him: 7

         All these thoughts were rushing through my head at midnight. I'm nothing but a walking bomb. I destroy everything whenever I explode, and you'll never know when I'll explode. This never really bothered me before, but ever since him, I can't help but notice how much damage I've caused. Tears ran down my face as my grandmother's face appeared in front of me on those days when I'd destroy all of her favorite decorations. She'd just watch me shatter every one of her precious memories and unique decorations that I know she loves so much. The tears flowed like rivers as I felt pain spread throughout my chest as I clutched it, trying to stop the pain. Hiccups and hard breathing was heard throughout the silence of my dark room, resembling my life. Lily's face crossed through my mind with all those times that I've taken my anger out on her and every time I was finished she'd open her arms and take me in whispering sweet nothings and instantly forgiving me. She was my personal guardian angel, and I lost her, yet I'm not angry about it. I'm glad that she's safe from. All the horrible memories crossed through my mind, but when have I ever had good memories? All I can see and hear are the cries of the two most important people in my life and I hear them say every time 'it's okay, I forgive you.' Even though I don't deserve it. I don't deserve any of them. When did I ever make them truly smile? When did I ever have a good memory? I ruin everything. Wait. Suddenly something crossed my mind. Jimin's smile. Jimin's giggles and laughter. Jimin's singing. Jimin's eyes. Those are the new memories. Good memories. He made good memories. The feel of his soft hands. His gentle touch, his silky voice, his honey scent. He's a good memory. Everything about him makes good memories. I need him. I didn't want to get attached for the fear of hurting or hurting myself. But I won't, I won't hurt him and I don't care if he hurts me. He's the only one that made me feel things. That finally makes me feel human. He finally makes me want to be good. He makes me want to stop being a monster. He gives me hope. I wiped my tears and put a hoodie on along with my shoes. I walked into the hallway and stopped, staring at my grandmothers room. My legs lead me into her room quietly and stood next to her. Silent tears flowed down and I caressed her soft wrinkly skin. "I'm sorry nana, for everything. I don't deserve you. You deserve to be happy and I can't do that. But... I promise this time... this time I'll try. For you... for Jimin. I'll be back and I promise you I'll change. I... I love you," I whispered as I gently kissed her forehead and quietly sneaked out the front door. 

         I made to my destination, Jimin's house. I was standing in his backyard, in front of his window. I closed my eyes, tears still flowing down my face. I breathed in deeply and breathed out. Then I quietly knocked on his window, careful not to wake eomma. No answer. I knocked again. Then I heard shuffling. Shit, he was probably scared it was a burglar. "Jimin, i-it's me," I whispered loud enough for him to hear. Then the curtains moved and our eyes met. My prediction was right, he was afraid. But he soon relaxed when he saw it was me. He quickly lifted the window and helped me in. 

"H-hi." He furrowed his brows, causing a small crease on his forehead, for some weird reason I wanted to smooth it out. 

"Rose, what are you doing here so late?" I noticed his sleepy eyes and pajamas. I felt the pain come back and tears well in my eyes. 

"I'm s-sorry Jimin, it's just, I need you," his eyes widened at my vulnerability. He quickly hugged me and let go to lead me to his bed. He held my hands and gave me all his attention, fully awake now. 

"Tell me Rose, I'm here for you." I smiled and looked down hiding my tears. 

"I don't... I don't want to be this way... anymore. I can't... keep hurting people," I looked at him and his face saddened at my words, "if I stay this way I'm afraid I'll hurt the only people I have left and they'll leave me. Jimin, I'm so tired of looking in the mirror and seeing what I see everyday. I'm... I'm so tired of snapping at everything and everyone. I'm tired of seeing a broken tired face on my nana every time I break down, every time I ruin the decorations she spends so much money on nearly everyday, trying to make it seem like it's okay. I'm tired of everybody acting like everything is okay with me when it's not. I'm not okay... I'm not... okay. I'm a monster... and I'm tired of it. I... I don't want to be that anymore-" he gripped my chin and lifted my gaze to him.