And It Was All // cashton

Then I Came Along and Wrote a Song for You

I stared at my reflection in the mirror, bending down to cuff my jeans for the fifth time. I'd been battling with whether or not they looked better cuffed or un-cuffed, thinking I looked gay with them cuffed but short with them un-cuffed. I fiddled with the way my tank top laid on my chest, readjusting my bandanna again.
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"You look fine, ashton." Luke said from behind me, smiling softly at me. I nodded, taking a last look at myself, trying to ignore the red tinge my eyes had and how horribly heavy my eyelids felt. I hoped you couldn't tell that I'd spent the entirety of the night previous bawling my eyes out like a loser. I exited the public bathroom, and entered the large room we'd be doing the interview in.
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I closed my eyes for a while, before we were on air, attempting to rest somehow, to just give myself a tiny bit of a break. "Hey, you ok?" Michael asks, rubbing between my shoulders, "yeah just tired is all."
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The rest of the day dragged me around, I was hopefully faking just enough that nothing seemed off. I really just didn't feel like doing any of this, I just couldn't pretend any longer. After the show, I rushed to my room, turning on the shower as hot as possible and proceeding to let the heat numb me completely.
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I scrub uselessly at my hair, hoping getting clean will help me feel better. I do my entire skincare routine, thinking it'll help me feel better. I put a peach scented lotion all over my body, wishing it would make me feel better. But, I still feel sick to my stomach. I wished it was all different. I wish I didn't love him like I do.
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I collapse on the bed, my mind trying desperately to rid me of this pain In chest. I try to block it all out, but my brain doesn't know how. I don't want to cry anymore, i can't cry anymore. I've shed too many tears and had too many sleepless nights over something as stupid as a crush.
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I sit up, pulling out a notebook and writing down a few useless thoughts, hoping it would help me. "It costs too much to think of you. I'm hanging by a thread. Take this heart, put yourself in it. I push my luck from trust to dust enough. I wish this were the story of another us."