The Modern Cocktail

Mister "Not-a-Man"

The 27th of June, 2015

"A bottle in a secret wall," The man that intercepted Nicolette, Eggsy, and Merlin in the cask storage building, Tequila, said, "You really expect me to take that seriously?"

At this point, Nicolette, Eggsy, and Merlin had been strapped down to three chairs and had been told to explain themselves in a silver lined room; the man from earlier, and the woman who led Nicolette down, Moonshine, standing guard in front of a frosted pane of glass.

Nicolette, who was sat between Merlin and Eggsy, with Merlin on her left and Eggsy on her right, let out a groan.

"See, I think your story's horse shit. Y'all just tryin' to cover up for a failed rescue mission," Tequila remarked.

"You're here for the lepidopterist, ain't you?" Moonshine asked.

The question was strange to Nicolette. She only knew the name of that profession, because it was what Harry wanted to be before he was ever an agent of Kingsman; the butterflies in his home had showed that to be truth.

That being said, the three Kingsman agents exchanged looks of confusion.

Tequila looked to Moonshine before he started to speak again, "Okay, so your mystery bottle, huh?" Tequila grabbed a bottle of Statesman whiskey that was near him before holding it up to the Kingsman agents, "Look anythin' like that right there?"

"Yes. Same brand, much older," Eggsy confirmed.

"Alright," Tequila said before opening the bottle and taking a whiff, "Let's see here," Tequila discarded the cap and started to walk towards Eggsy, "You know why the measurement of alcohol content's called 'proof'?"

Tequila moved to walk behind Eggsy and not even a moment later, whiskey was being poured into the laps of the Kingsman agents.

"Oh, fuck off!" Eggsy yelled.

Nicolette let out a mix of a grunt and a groan of disgust as the whiskey fell into her lap.

"Oh, for Pete's sake!" Merlin groaned as the whiskey was poured into his lap.

Moonshine started to chuckle at the remarks that were being made.

"See, comes from back in the old days when pirates wanted to test the strength of their rum," Tequila said as he came to stand in front of Nicolette, "They used to pour a little bit out on gunpowder," Tequila took a swig of the whiskey in his hand before letting out a long breath, "That'll make you wanna slap your mama right there, boy," Tequila paused, "And if the gunpowder, if it burnt when they set it alight, they considered it proof, that their rum was good and strong."

Tequila then started to splash more whiskey onto the fronts of Nicolette, Eggsy, and Merlin; Nicolette getting the brunt of it since she was in the center.

"But, you see, we ain't got no gunpowder here, do we?" Moonshine asked as Tequila stepped back and set down the bottle of whiskey.

"But I'm pretty sure you boys'll make just as impressive a sound when I set your balls on fire," Tequila said before lighting a lighter, "Or, you could just tell me who the fuck y'all really are and how the hell you found us."

Nicolette let out a groan, "First, you should get straight the kind of people you've got in front of you. Second, we've been telling you where we're from and how we found you."

"We have nothin' to protect but our honor," Merlin added, "So you can take your cheap horse piss that you call whiskey, which, by the way, is spelled without an 'e' and is nothin' compared to a single malt scotch, and you can go fuck yourself."