This is Life

Chapter 20/Epilogue

Chapter 20

"What's wrong Mags?" Niall coos as he holds me soothingly and strokes my hair. I'm trembling uncontrollably

and silently crying.

"Dream," I whisper. It comes out as more of a croak so I clear my throat.

"Nightmare," I correct myself.

He looks at me sympathetically. "Do you want to talk about it?" he says gently.

"C-can you get H-harry?" I whisper, ignoring his question. He nods understandingly before kissing my forehead and sliding out of the crisp sheets, taking his warmth with him. I suddenly feel cold and alone and I find myself still weeping. Not a sobbing hysterical cry, but a quiet cry that states I am shaken and scared. I feel smaller than ever huddled with my knees to my chest, in this giant bed, in a place that has not been my home for long. I'm a small school girl who got a scraped knee in the playground hoping someone notices I'm hurt. I feel small, fragile, delicate, young.

Then I feel dumb. It's just a stupid dream, Maggie. Grow up.

I hear discussion in the hall then the door inches open and I find Harry standing in the doorway. The hole where the bullet once seeped through his flesh is gone. The light is back in his eyes. He is wearing pajama pants, no shirt. I manage a weak smile, feeling foolish for getting all worked up over a dream I had. But it felt so real.

He rushes over to the bed and slips between the covers. In a sitting position, he just holds me for a while. He probably knows I don't feel like talking. I appreciate it.

After a few minutes that seem like an hour, he lets go and faces me.

"What happened, Mags?" he asks, concern seeping all over his face.

"I had a n-nightmare, I know it's dumb..." I say, trailing off and laughing at myself, wiping my cheeks.

He pauses for a few moments before speaking slowly. "What was it about?" He looks like he genuinely cares. I feel my face turning red and a new set of tears flush down my face. Looking at the beadspread, I whisper in the smallest voice I have ever used,

"Losing you." Harry looks at me and wipes the tears from my face with his thumb. When I look up I see his eyes are clouded. I let out a sad breathy chuckle.

"Why are you crying?" I ask, stroking his cheek with my fingertips. He leans in and whispers against my lips, "Because I would never leave you." He diminishes the space between us and his lips brush mine. He kisses me like he's afraid I'll break if he pushes any harder, which I'm grateful for, because I think I might. It's the softest, most gentle kiss I have ever shared with anyone. And the most amazing. It's not a make-out session where his tongue is down my throat that says "I want in your pants." It's so...real. And if this kiss could talk, if it could deliver one message to me, it would be 'I love you.' And I receive that message loud and clear.

---

Harry and I walk into the kitchen with our fingers laced, and all the boys look sort of down.

"What's wrong?" Harry asks, reading my thoughts.

Louis sighs. "Today is Maggie's last day.." I feel like I fell out of a tree and hit the ground hard. I had totally forgotten that my flight for home leaves tonight. The last two months had been the best of my life, and I honestly had no reason to go back to Ireland. Nothing is there, besides my parents. Here I have my brother, the boy I love, and my three best friends. But I know my parents miss me, I have friends there too, and it would be the right thing to do. I'm not destined to be in big London, I belong in little Mullingar, where everyone knows everyone. Where I fit like a puzzle piece. I'm not British. I'm Irish. I have to look past the illusion and realize this isn't my home, not matter how much it feels like it, not matter how much I want it to be.