Randy Oneshots (requests open)

Unsteady (AU)

Prompt:  Andy lives a tough life. abusive parents, depressing thoughts, everything's just wrong for him. every day he feels unsteady. he wants to feel safe, feel loved, feel steady. will he be able to find that someone that'll be able to keep Andy safe, to love him, to keep him steady?...

Andy: 16
Rye: 17

warnings: trigger warning, suicidal thoughts,  fluff.

cast:  Andy, Rye, Jack, Brook, Mikey.

this is your last warning. this whole fic is full of triggering topics. if you want to read, i'm not stopping you. just be warned that this is the most triggering one shot that i will put up.

Andy's POV:

i don't know what to do anymore. i hate everything. my looks. my mind. my fucked up life.

everything's just wrong. i can't take this anymore. i just can't.

why can't i just be like everyone else. normal. why do i have to be different. why do i have to suffer.

i sob into my own pillow as i cocoon myself in my duvet, completely surrounded by darkness.

i dont want to leave my bed. i have school in thirty minutes. but i still cant bring myself to move. i feel motionless. worry and fear eating away at my own body and mind.

i'm scared. i'm afraid. and thats how i live each and every fucking day of my messed up life.

i just want to feel okay. that's all i ask for. to feel steady. to feel okay again.

i wish my mum was still here. she was the only person that ever listened and cared for me. and now she's gone. all because of me.

my dad likes to remind me of this everyday. every word that's spat at me -each one dripping with venom- i believe. should i? of course. because it's all true. 

it's all my fault. i sob again, unable to stop the waterfall of tears.

my dad left for work ages ago. and now i'm all alone. but wasn't i alone before? i've always been alone.

that small handful of friends i have. they surely don't care about me. i know they don't. they probably won't even care if i was gone.

maybe i should end this now. no one would miss me.

i sit up in my bed now, ripping the warm covers off of my body. i put my head in my hands.

i stand up. my legs tremble underneath me, unsteady as i walk towards my bathroom.

i clutch onto the door handle with shaking hands, opening the door. i walk in slowly.

i need to do this.

suddenly, thoughts of Rye, my best friend, my boyfriend, run through my mind. if i do this, then i'm leaving him behind. my best friend. the only person in this wretched world that i love.

no. he doesn't care about you. no one does. you know this. my mind battles.

i can't think straight. i collapse onto the cold, tiled floor. i can't breathe. why can't i breathe?

i hear a faint voice in my head. i barely hear it over the overpowering voice of fear and torment. Rye.

i fight with myself. i stand up. almost falling again. i feel so dizzy.

i grasp onto anything as i travel back into my room. i see the bright glare of my phone screen lighting up.

i get to it as quick as i can. and through my blurred vision i see Rye's name.

rye- where are you? are you okay?
rye- andy?
rye- andy answer me.
rye- Andy!
rye- fuck it i'm coming over.

me- rye, i need you. i cant breathe.

rye- it's okay Andy. you're going to be okay. i'm nearly here. just hold on for me please.

my chest hurts so much. i try to breathe. i'm trying so hard.

i slide down the wall behind me until i' on the floor once again.

in just two minutes i hear the front door burst open and Rye's voice sound out in the silence of the house.

"Andy!?" he shouts and i hear footsteps coming closer. Rye's been here many times before so he knows where everything is.

all of a sudden my bedroom door opens and i see Rye. he looks out of breath and his face is full of concern as he drops hos school bad and runs over to my figure on the floor.

he quickly kneels down in front of me and i look up at him, still panicking.

Rye holds my hand and begins instructing me.

"okay, Andy. breathe in and out for me. follow my breathing" i copy. breathing along with him, my breaths hitching a bit but i still follow.

"so good. you're doing great, And."  Rye smiles at me and i cant help but smile back. even if it was just as weak.

i hold onto him tightly.

"thank you Rye." i whisper. Rye kisses my cheek softly.

"of course. what boyfriend would i be if i wasn't here for you. i love you so much Andy. i hate seeing you like this. i just want you to know that i'll always be here for you. please don't loose hope. i don't know what i would do if i had to live my life without you here." Rye says, voice cracking by the end as he holds me.

" i'm still here. i'm still here and it's all because of you Rye. thank you so much. i love you too." i say.

Rye pulls away, instantly capturing my lips with his in a sweet, love-filled kiss.

"alright. how about we skip school today and stay here and cuddle all day." Rye suggests after we pull away. i smile and nod, agreeing. Rye stands and helps me up, both of us giggling when we fall onto my bed.

i'm glad i have this boy in my life. he is the only reason i'm alive today. and i'm so lucky to have a boyfriend like Rye.

i feel safe in his arms. i feel okay. i feel steady again. and i love this feeling. i just hope it stays.

and i'm sure it will as long as i have Rye here with me. because Rye is my life. Rye is my safe haven. Rye keeps me sane. Rye keeps me steady.

maybe with Rye here, i'll be okay...

a/n:  i really had no idea how to end this oneshot. i actually cried while writing this. i couldn't just end it without Rye coming to save the day. i knkw i' evil, but i' not that evil.

anyway i hope you enjoyed this oneshot.

i'l see you Angels in the next one. bye!!!
-A 🐳