July 16th, 2018
I don't know what I'm doing tbh. It's like 9:15 pm and I just want to die. I don't even know what it is. I just feel unmotivated and tired. Like I don't know what I'm doing or why I'm doing this. All I know is that people are lucky I don't live by a bridge. I just want to jump and be one with the water. No one would ever know if I was crying because all the water would blend it all together. Kinda depressing when I actually write it down. But I don't know. Everything is just sort of crashing down around me and I'm just caving into myself to hopefully implode. Everything is just a mess I suppose and it's my fault. My fault for being so horribly flawed. I don't know what's going on anymore.
Update
It is now 9:30 pm. I drank a cup of coffee and I am still not hyped. I feel like crying and I don't know why. I'm just listening to a really nice voice. I suggest checking out emmanoodle. She's singing the cover above and it has to be one of my favorite covers. Still sad, but I'm feeling okay. Definitely gonna have to get a piece of clothing in my happy color. My happy color is yellow; any yellow really, except neon yellow. I don't know why. Why is it that I feel blue when I want to feel yellow, but then feel yellow when I want to be blue? I don't know what nonsense I'm spouting. Sorry.
Sadly Yours,
James
