after infinity; toby mcdonough.

BONUS CHAPTER: "I need you."

This is completely on Toby's POV, and this is when he hit up Ellie in the middle of the night of the previous chapter. :) And also this is v v v short bc it's only a filler chapter lmao.

I keep wondering what went on with us last week, why I did what I did. Was that even necessary? All week, I've been wondering why Ellie kept avoiding me. It's probably because she was mad at me. Or maybe she was sorting out her mind, just like I was. I left her a couple of messages, but she wasn't replying. I let her have her silence for a while. Until tonight.

I couldn't take it, her absence, the way she was just alright without me. I couldn't bring myself to sleep since that day happened. It was always me lying in a mess of white sheets either on the rooftop or my own room, staring at the sky or at the ceiling, only to fall asleep for at least three hours until Connor wakes me up for school. He could see clearly how I was deteriorating again. He doesn't say anything, but in the sad spark in his blue eyes, I knew he could tell. 

That night, I called Ellie. I told her that I was a mess and that I needed her. I told her that I wanted her to stay with me, even just for tonight. She came quickly through the door with some sort of cheer-me-up equipment that consisted of Netflix and Arizona, but she was all I needed. The movie and the drinks were just a bonus. She wiped my tears away. She wrapped her body around me and kissed the top of my head. From time to time I would snuggle into her arms a little more, and she would hold me tighter and I would kiss her hand. God, I miss you, I wanted to say.

The movie already ended and she had already drifted to sleep. I brought myself to put away her laptop and toss our empty cans into the nearby trash bin. Then I looked at her, her face calm and peaceful while she buried her head into my pillow. She was sleeping in my spot, but I didn't mind. I tucked her in the sheets and went under the sheets as well, lying next to her. I only fell asleep for about four hours because I probably spent an hour stroking her hair and watching her sleep, but it was an improvement of what I was going through last week.

When I slept, I put her hand on my chest. Whenever I suddenly jolt awake that night, I would clutch it tighter as if it had a sleeping pill in it, and I would fall right back asleep. 

Riley woke me up the next morning. "You coming to school?" he asked. Without thinking, I shook my head no. I would rather sleep through the whole day, because I was so tired. I couldn't really read Riley's expression because I only had like one eye open, but then I heard him walk away and tell Connor that I was missing school. "Ellie ain't coming either, is she?" I heard Connor ask. "Probably not, Delia's already left..."

I practically laughed at my brothers for actually letting me stay home with Ellie.

And then I flopped back to sleep, waking up the next day by Ellie's relentless hitting and shaking.