Author's Book of Confessions, Rants and Shits

'My Everyday life shits'

Everytime I wake up, all my problems will be erased like it was nothing...

In my school, I'm always pretending someone else, I don't know but I have to so everyone and what they so called 'friends' will not know my true 'self' because if they do, they will go away from me...

I'm pretending to be a strong, hardworking, 'happy', 'friendly' but sometimes shy, noisy and kind student but actually it's not the real me...

But even I pretending as that, they will still not talk to me, they will only talk to me if they need something from me...

I don't know but I think, I'm just the air, some of them even I'm not doing anything, they will whispering about me, being ugly and boyish shit but I'm just pretending like not hearing their shits...

I have some 'friends' they're kinda sad and depressed and stressed according to them, sometimes they're talking about things about their lives being depressed, when I'm about to talk about mine, they said that I don't know what's the meaning of depression and suicide because I'm always happy and they said that it's not a joke, but who said I'm joking about it, and they didn't know that I'm only pretending and planning my own 'death' someday...

After the classes, I'm always walking home, my house is in a subdivision. When I'm walking, some people will look at me and start laughing, because I'm fat, I know but why the hell they care...

After reaching our house, I'm starting to starve because I'm stressed out, because of that, I will eat lots of food, if my mum saw me, she will scold me for eating too much, saying that I'm forgetting my diet, while my two younger brother and sister will tease me about being fat, because of those things, I'm starting to cut myself before changing my clothes...

Sometimes I'm reading some books about 'x reader' on my phone and imagining things, forgetting the reality. Sometimes, scrolling down on Facebook, seeing slim girls, I'm always imagining that I'm going to be like them but I'm only hoping for nothing...

And when the clock's hit nine'o clock, I'm ready to go to sleep, but those problems starting to colonize my mind, thinking about my 'death' and I'm starting to cry again, soaking my pillows with my tears and I'm didn't know that I'm already asleep...

And the day starting again and again...

-end of the chapter

Thank you for reading my story, like you're already accepting me...

Thank you