&BURN ◊ GD

CHAPTER ELEVEN

                              aurora
         where they discuss the future

grayson and i had been sat on the rooftop for the past couple minutes. just in silence as my mind was screaming. shouting for a way to figure out to tell him what i want. "i know you're thinking so hard right now and i just need you to know that you can do it loud. in front of me." he explains coughing my head to glance away from the view in front of me but the boy beside me.

my head somehow nodding when i take a soft breath of air. "it's about the baby." i confirm making him stare at me with worried eyes as he does not say anything. grayson just listens. "i know what i want to, what i need to do." i state with a shaky breath as suddenly his hand outreaches to find my own. his thumb being used to caress my skin as he goes to speak up.

"alright, tell me."

"grayson, i can't keep this baby. i'm definitely not ready, you aren't either." i start off making him frown a little when he begins to nod faintly.

"so you want to have an abortion?" he questions me cautiously and when he does i shake my head softly. i had no hate toward that procedure whatsoever, in fact i understood it in many ways. however it was not the route i wanted to go through.

"no, grayson. i want to go through the adoption process. i think we can give the baby a good home." i say with a nervous smile as it looks like he can finally breath again. grayson grins a little as well when he pushes a stray strand of hair that tickled the side of my face.

"anything you want to do, i'm here for it. i'll be there." he concludes which makes me feel better in a way that i had his support. however it wasn't such a relief when i was aware that he would be.

"i know."

+

last month of summer break

"dad, can you please pass me a water bottle?" i shout across the room to where my father stood in the kitchen, my hands placed on the bump that had begun to grow. my eyes fixated on the way my tightened shirt had formed around the new form.

this new part of my life was still in effect as it was the last couple of days of summer break for college students. or more so my friends who went to school as i had decided that a gap year would suffice due to my new life.

also i did not need the ogling eyes of every young individual on me when i stepped into an art history class. "here you go, sweetheart." my father says softly when passing me the drink as i smiled at him.

my father's vision going from the structure of my face to then the bump i had possessed. i was very grateful of his support and not any forms of anger or disappointment. which is why i had moved back into my childhood home and away from nyu during the time i had taken off.

it was a temporary fix until grayson had found a place where we could both stay until the baby would be born. "how are you feeling?" his words spark conversation as i stop the concentration on my life and focus on my father.

"still a little nauseous but apparently that comes with the first trimester." i state making him nod and have a sigh come along.

"yeah that happened with your mother a lot. especially with you." the mention of my mother had saddened me and perhaps it was the imbalance with my emotions but i had wished for her presence here. with the fact of the matter that she was gone and i was pregnant, i felt like the guidance of your own mother was always the best part of having a baby. "i know what you're thinking, sweetheart. i wish she was here too." he comments almost reading my mind when i nod. a dejected smile that begins to form but is soon interrupted from the doorbell ringing.