Unconfessed Sins

Chapter 1

THIS STORY IS DEDICATED TO KYRACAMP

Chapter One

England November 1950

As Mother Superior hurried through the damp, musty cloisters she could feel the uneven cobbles through her thin soled shoes.  A high wind swept through the open arched apertures making her shiver and dead leaves swirled about her ankles.  She disliked this place intensely and always fancied ghosts or goblins lurked menacingly in the corners, smirking at her.  It was a fanciful notion for a nun, but she felt it, strongly, each time she walked here.  Forcing herself to slacken her pace, she walked carefully to the end of the passage, casting a hasty glance over her shoulder before passing through the large wooden door which led into the convent.  

Reaching her office, she stood at the window and watched the rain beating down as the wind howled around the grey convent walls.  In the wintertime, the convent was harsh and cold; particularly hard for the older nuns who suffered from arthritis or rheumatism. The darkness of the place, at times, depressed all of them; so much so, that it had become a standing joke.  However, in the summer-time it was a wonderful place to be and they often held their prayers outside when the weather was warm.  The garden was lavishly filled with colourful flowers and there were many trees and bushes around the grounds lending the landscape depth and texture.  The vegetable gardens which the sisters worked with love and care, gave crops of fresh potatoes, greens and tomatoes and various other vegetables.  

The large, old convent had been part of Mother Superior's life for many years and she had a love/hate relationship with the rambling old building, but the chapel was different being small and simple.  There was no damp and it was kept warm, radiating light and peace.  It was an intimate place for the nuns to worship and there they felt close to God and to one another.  Above the small altar was a round stained glass window, mostly in colours of red and blue, which showed Jesus as the 'Shepherd of the Sheep'.  When she knelt before the altar, she often prayed for lost souls who needed so desperately a shepherd to herd them back to the flock, where they would be warm and safe in his arms.  Jesus was indeed the shepherd of the sheep.  And sheep?  People were like silly sheep.  They would blindly follow one another, never mind if it was along the wrong path and into danger.  Spiritual danger was everywhere.  If only they would open their eyes and see!  She hoped, from the deepest depths of her soul, that her prayers made a difference to the world at large.  She believed they did.  In some little way, prayers had some effect, if only to deepen the faith of those who uttered them.  And sometimes, they had a huge and wonderful effect.

Mother Superior turned away from the window and sat down at her desk.  She reached for a pen, ink and some paper.  The trees cast flickering shadows across the desk and threatened to distract her from her task.  She was attempting to write a letter to each of her sisters, her blood family.  She hadn't seen them for years, but she had a longing to see them now.  Memories of her family came back to her; holidays by the sea; the regular Sunday visits to church and Mass; their friends near their home and at school and all of the other benefits that life had given them.  Not least, the love and guidance they had received from their loving parents, both long dead. 

At last, Mother Superior finished writing her letters, blotted the pages on pink blotting paper and put them into envelopes.  There was a gentle knock at the door and Mother Superior stood up by her desk.

"Come in." she called.

Sister Anna entered the room looking nervous and anxious.  She was a postulate, a promising young woman full of gentleness and compassion, a true nun, in every sense of the word. 

"Is something wrong, Sister Anna?" asked Mother Superior, noticing her agitation.

"Reverend Mother, I have something to tell you.  I don't think you will like it very much, but I have to tell you now...today."  Tears glistened in Sister Anna's eyes.

"Has someone upset you, Sister?"

"No one has upset me Reverend Mother, it's not that.  I have to leave the convent, I can't stay."

"But you're to take your vows very soon.  What do you mean, you have to leave?"

There was a moment or two of silence, apart from the wind and the heavy pattering of rain against the window pane, before Sister Anna replied.

"I've fallen in love with a man who is training to be a priest and we are getting married soon.  We will work together, maybe go abroad to do God's work."

Mother Superior was still standing.  She was shocked and very angry with Sister Anna, it showed on her face.

"What!  After all the effort we have put into helping you, you throw this in our faces.

After all of the prayers and preparations and the time...how can you do such a thing!  It is unbelievable!"

It was now Sister Anna's turn to be angry, she fairly spat out her words.  "We haven't had sex, Mother, if that is what you are thinking!  We are still Christians and God is important to us.  You don't think that do you mother?  We live under the laws of God." With these words she lost control and started to cry and was so deeply distressed that Mother Superior had no choice, but to soften her approach.  She remembered having had a young man herself, but it had not swayed her, however, the call to God had been very strong.  No call had been stronger in her life.

"Sister," she said softly, "Are you sure this is what you want to do?  You'll have to leave the faith.  Where will you go and what will you do?  Have you thought everything through carefully?"

Sister Anna's cheeks were wet with tears.  "Reverend Mother, I'm so sorry.  I know how much time and effort you have expended on my behalf, but although we didn't mean for this to happen, as soon as we met we knew there was something between us.  We tried to deny it, but it was there.  Each time we saw one another we only felt the bond grow stronger.  We can't deny it.  We can only think it is God's will for us.  We will have to leave the catholic faith, but did not Queen Elizabeth I, say, "there is only one Jesus Christ"? 

Sister Anna trying to defend herself did not have a pleasing effect on Mother Superior and her face hardened again.  "I hardly think that is relevant, sister.  I will give you two days to think things over.  If you have to leave us I will let you go, but I must say this is a bitter disappointment."

Sister Anna took this as the end of the meeting and hurriedly left the room, still weeping.

Mother Superior sat down heavily on the wooden chair, her heart palpitating wildly in her body.  This was awful!  She felt shocked to her soul!  Not only was the church losing a nun, a young, enthusiastic nun, but also a young priest.  Even here, within the confines of the convent, there were times of turmoil.  There was always something to be concerned about, or to worry over.  What would Father Liam say?  Oh, Father Liam!  He was so soft hearted he would say "Let them go with your blessing, Mother.  You cannot stop the sun from shining or the river from flowing.  That is life, Mother, so it is.  We each have our own path to tread."  It would be said in the usual soft Irish brogue that the nuns loved so much, as much as they loved him.  He had brought such peace and humour into their mundane lives.  No, not mundane... only different.

                                                             ***********

Author's Note:-

Although I am Christian, I am not a catholic so anyone of you who is and find any glaring

mistakes written within this story, please feel free to point them out.  Thank you!