Unconfessed Sins

Chapter 4

Unconfessed Sins

Chapter Four

Over the next five months Mother Superior grew weaker and weaker until she was unable to walk to the chapel for prayers, so the nuns came daily to pray with her in her cell. Sister Augusta, in particular helped to nurse her, wash her, and feed her nourishing home made soup. The nuns had brought little items to her room to make it more comfortable. A silver candlestick which usually stood with its counterpart on the altar; a soft chair for any visitors and a vase of flowers made the stark cell a little more homely. A silver cross was placed on the small window sill and when the sun shone it's reflection flickered on the opposite wall. And yesterday, her blood sisters had visited her and said their goodbyes and it had made her happy.

"Father Liam is coming to see you." said sister Augusta as she settled Mother Superior gently onto her pillows.

"Thank you. You have been so..... kind to me." said Mother Superior, her voice cracking with the effort to speak.

"It is nothing, mother. We are God's family, aren't we?"

"I know, but..... I appreciate all you are doing."

Sister Augusta smiled at her and replied. "I will bring you some fresh flowers from the garden Mother, when I come back later." She left, taking the tray of soup and dishes with her.

As sister Augusta left, Father Liam arrived. He placed his hat and coat on the peg against the wall and sat on the soft chair next to her bed, smiling down on her.

"It is always so nice... to see you.... Father." she said.

"How are you today?" he asked.

She looked up at his familiar face, so full of compassion and it pulled at her heart strings. They had so little time left together now.

"I no longer feel afraid, Father and I am in no pain, since you... prayed for me..."

Father Liam's eyes softened, "I am glad, so I am."

"Have you time to hear... confession, Father?"

"Yes, of course. I will certainly hear your confession, if you wish."

Mother Superior shifted in the bed so that she was on her side and reached for Liam's hand.

"I have an unconfessed sin, ... although God forgave me long ago. This sin has never been confessed to a Priest and I must... before I die."

"Then I don't think you should tell me." said Father Liam, shaking his head.

"Please, I want you to... absolve me. It has been preying... on my mind. I need to share it with... another human being." she replied.

Father Liam stood up and fixed his stole around his neck and kissed his cross. He sat down again. "I am ready to hear your confession, daughter." he said. She crossed herself and said, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned... when I was a young I met Alec. We became lovers and I thought I loved him. We used contraceptives, which is a sin..., as you know." She paused for breath, this long conversation was taking it's toll on her.

"I realised I was not cut out to be a wife and mother and I broke off the relationship... childbirth and motherhood is... anathema to me. Alec took it hard... he had a breakdown. He was so ill... it was a terrible worry for his family. I regretted... hurting him, but I knew I was being called to serve God. I have never told anyone... you are the first...."