Synonym

Chapter 19

I didn't know if I wanted to cry and break down in tears or scream at the top of my lungs and curse the heavens for whatever was happening to me.

I panicly called Emma and practically demanded that she come over. Luckily, she was free and was used to my borderline bossy personality. It took her about ten minutes to rush to our apartment. Finn was out with Jason doing God knows what. I had intended to stay home and lounge around because I didn't feel like going out this friday night, but as soon as I saw the notification on my phone, I went into full on panic mode.

I was frantically googling shit for half and hour before I made a quick trip to CVS and back to the apartment when I called Emma. My period tracker alerted me that I was two weeks late and I hadn't even realized it. I had been so engrossed in school work and lacrosse that I hadn't even remembered. September had been stressful. The rigorous school and training schedule was finally setting in, not to mention the trial during week one of September. By the time the beginning of October rolled around, I was in full b-line mode.

"I can't look. Do it for me. Please." My voice was weak as I looked at Emma who was leaning against the white countertop of our bathroom. My eyes were glued to her face while I sat on the edge of the tub in the surprisingly large bathroom. My hands were over my mouth as I hung my head in my hands.

Emma looked hesitant but she picked up the five tests in one hand easily. Her face remained expressionless while her eyes looked at each one of them, placing them back on the counter. From my angle I couldn't see the result and I'm not sure if I wanted too. The lack of emotion on Emm's gorgeous face made me even more worried. I can't do this. If I'm pregnant, I swear I won't know what to do.

My career could be over.

My Olympic dreams could be over.

My life could be over.

My relationship could be over.

I could lose everything thing.

I was so scared. Finn and I weren't ready for kids. What if I wanted an abortion and he didn't? What if it was the other way around? It would destroy us. There would be no recovering. The one man I loved might be gone.

My heart was pounding in my chest and my ears. This was even more rigorous than any workout I had ever done. My body was on the verge of breaking into a cold sweat and the pressure in my head was growing. I was on the verge of a full on breakdown.

"Just spit it out Emma!" I couldn't help but beg a little more aggressively than I should have. She didn't seem to mind, though. Her crystal blue eyes met mine as she finally spoke up.

"I think you need to tell Finn to come home."

I felt my heart drop to my stomach. I couldn't stop the sob that escaped my lips as my eyes got watery, the pressure in my head peaking. Emma quickly pushed herself off the counter and sat next to me on the edge of the tub, putting her arm around my shoulders.

"My life is over." I couldn't help but sob into my hands. I expected all my stress to leave my body when I heard the results, but the opposite happened. I feel even worse than before. My pessimistic nature was not helping my emotions right now.

"Your life isn't over. Everything will be fine." Emma tried to soothe me while rubbing my arm up and down. Her southern drawl was even more prevalent now making it obvious that she was shocked and somewhat nervous too.

"We haven't even been together for a year yet. It's been barely nine months. Ten months in two weeks. We aren't even 19 yet! Both of us turn nineteen in a month. A month! We're both full time students with no job and no time!" If I had thought we were moving fast in April, this was a whole new level of fast. I've known Finn for just over a year. This was not the time for a baby.