Synonym

Chapter 20

Emma left shortly after I texted Finn. She didn't want to be seen awkwardly leaving while I looked like I was about to have a borderline meltdown. That amazement I felt for a brief ten seconds? That's long gone.

I didn't look up when I heard the door open and close. I stayed seated on our bed with my legs crossed while I fiddled with the long sleeve of my dry fit T-shirt. Finn's footsteps padded into the bedroom but I still didn't look up. I don't think I could meet his eyes.

He stayed in the doorway, watching me play with my shirt for what felt like an eternity before Finn finally spoke up. "What's wrong?" He sounded concerned but he kept his distance from me, remaining just inside of the doorway.

I finally willed myself to look up at him but I couldn't look into his eyes for more then a second before I looked at the wall behind him. "I need to tell you something..." I trailed off nervously. He didn't say anything so I forced myself to look at his face as I blurted it out. "I'm pregnant!"

His lips parted slightly in shock. Other than that, his face remained neutral. He didn't say anything for a long amount of time and it only made me more nervous. This couldn't end well. There was no way in hell. I knew he loved me but love wasn't always enough. Eventually, he finally answered.

"Okay." He said calmly before keeping an unreadable face. I could literally hear my heart breaking.

"Okay? That's all you have to say? Okay?!" I asked bewildered while getting slightly worked up. "I've been getting myself worked up over this for an hour and you're indifferent?! To a fucking baby?! What the fuck is wrong with you?! You don't even care, do you?!"

I wasn't playing with my sleeves anymore, I was full on gesturing my hands and border line yelling. His jaw clenched slightly and he responded in an annoyed tone. "Nothing is 'fucking wrong with me' and for the record, I'm appalled and hurt that you think I don't care that you're carrying my child."

"Then why are you acting like this?" I asked bewildered while flinging my hands in his direction for emphasis and to release my anger and stress.

"Because I didn't want to influence your opinion or make you feel pressured to make a certain choice before you told me your opinion."

I froze in my tracks. Of course he's a nice guy. I've known him for a year and I think he's a monster. I closed my eyes and huffed out a breath while leaning down onto the bed. "I'm sorry. I just..." I paused, not knowing what to say. "I feel like a dick now." I muttered to myself but Finn heard it too.

"You are one."

I lifted my head off the pillow and glared at him when he shrugged innocently. "Your words not mine." I dropped my head back down to the pillow and after a moment of silence he spoke up again. "Is this where you tell me I'm not the father?" I could hear the joking air in his words so I flipped him off without looking back up at him.

Finn wordlessly took off his leather jacket and slipped off his shoes before sitting down on the bed in front of my folded legs. I forced myself to sit up again before I turned my body to sit next to him, instead of facing his side. His arm touched mine, the warmth putting me at some ease but not completely.

"I just don't know." I said, my voice cracking at the end. Finn wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me into his chest. I was about to cry. "I don't know what to do. We don't have jobs or time. We're students and we are training. Hell, I don't even know what's going to happen with my sports career. The Olympics is almost out of the question completely. How are we supposed to raise a baby while we're only going to be sophomores in college. Abortion-," Finn tensed beneath me at the mention of it even though he tried to force himself to relax. I still noticed it, though.