An Expectation

7

It was a bright and sunny day, early in May, and Marion was itching to get outside. 

Naturally, she burst into Lewis's room with a huge smile. 

"Would you like to come walk outside in the gardens? No, you haven't got the choice," she laughed, throwing the blankets off his legs and trying to give him his crutch. "It's a lovely day, we haven't been outside in two whole days because of the rain, and I don't think even the two days with the room to yourself have been good for you."

Lewis slowly set down his pen and paper. "Alright, then. Let's go outside, but not for too long."

"Writing to your family?"

He took the crutch and leaned on it, more for stability than anything. "Writing more stories. I like doing it."

She held the door open as Lewis hobbled out towards the lift. "I'm glad. What's this one about?"

Silence, then a quiet response as Marion joined him in the lift. "A young man who wants to do nothing more than his duty, and ends up with more than he ever bargained for."

"Like what?" The doors opened and Marion led Lewis towards the garden doors. "What did this young main gain?"

"He gained nothing, but he lost everything."

Marion was silent as she opened the tall French doors. Lewis walked outside towards a bench covered in ivy. "Well, that's not entirely true. The man gained a fear of loud noises, dreams that only run him in circles, and the persisting idea that it was all in vain."

He sat down heavily and looked up at Marion with watering eyes.

"It's you- the young man, isn't it." She was not  asking. 

He looked away and nodded. A tear glistened on his cheek, and Marion sat down and wiped it away with her finger. 

"I know that I can't help most of those," she began softly, "but can I offer some words of encouragement?"

He nodded, his blue eyes meeting her deep brown ones. She noticed his were rimmed with red and had heavy bags. He hadn't slept solidly in weeks.

"It won't be in vain, Private Miller. Horrible, horrible things happen in war- they can't be avoided. Not to mention that humans have a terrible side that shows when they see what they desperately want. But-" she took his hand and began to tear up herself- " I believe you'll see your brother again, and that he'll not hold a grudge against you. Your meeting on the other side will be full of joy."

"Lewis shook his head. "I don't believe that," she cried softly. "No God would let boys be killed in such awful ways. There wasn't anything to bury!" Hysteria began to set in, and Marion quickly moved her hands to Lewis's shoulders to steady him. "He wasn't yet nineteen. It shoulda been me. Charlie had a girl at home who was waiting for him and he was always the one to make the kids in the street laugh. I just stayed home."

"God has His reasons, Lewis." She stiffened at the accidental use of his first name, but went on. "I have a brother fighting too, you know. I haven't heard from him in weeks and it tears at my heart to think he might be gone. He's got a wife and baby boy at home. Why would God take him away from them and put him in such great danger? I must confess that I do not know completely. But-" she sensed that she was losing his interest- "I know there are reasons. That's more important to me- that someday I will know."

"You truly believe that?"

Marion nodded. "Absolutely I do. I pray for my brother and for- for other soldiers I know, every day. I agree that this is a terrible war, but I plan to make the best of it. Wars can create heroes, you know," she smiled, "and I think that to be a hero you must have courage, and stand up for what's right, and do your duty honourably. Do you think you did so?"

Lewis stared blankly for a moment, then shook his head.

"Come on, soldier!" She tried to put a joking tone on, but quickly went back to being serious. "You volunteered, for one thing, because you wanted to protect your home. Isn't that right?"

Lewis slowly nodded. 

"And you stood up to protect me when Mr. Stewart was becoming dangerous, didn't you?"

Another tentative nod, with a small smile forming on Lewis's puffy face.

"You've done great honour to your rank, Private," she said, standing up and extending her hand. "You're a credit to your family and you're a real gentleman. Now, do you think you can be a hero?"

"Not yet. I still need to work on some things."

"God doesn't expect us to be perfect on the first try," she remarked as he took her hand and began to walk. "He wants us to try, and to reflect on our mistakes, and to improve."

"That's all?"

She looked at him with a smile of her own. "I think so."

*****

"All I'm saying is that his letters have been getting shorter and less interested," complained Marion to Martha-Grace. "I can't keep this up."

"Relationships are hard," agreed her friend, wiping her eyes with her sleeve. "Oh, I hate chopping onions."

"Get back to the conversation, Fielding," begged Marion playfully. "I don't know if I should entertain James's feelings any longer."

"Do you see anything for a future?"

Marion shrugged and grabbed another carrot. "I can, but I'm sure it's only because he gave me attention when no one else did."

"Do you want that future?"

"Yes," replied Marion, too quickly. "I mean, I can see myself greeting him when he comes back home, and then marrying him. I can see our children playing in these gardens." She gestured out the kitchen window with the carrot- stained knife. 

"Is there anything else you want more than that?"

Nothing.

"I don't know. Maybe-"

"Maybe, what?" prodded Martha-Grace gently. 

"Maybe I should just tell James that I can't conduct a courtship over letter. I should marry someone I know in person."

"Like Lewis Miller?"

Marion stopped slicing carrots, staring dumbfounded at her friend. "What's that?"

"Come on, Marion. I see the way he looks at you."

"Martha-Grace, that's against every rule in the book. Imagine the scene if Mrs. Abbot found out I would leave her son for an invalid!"

"Chances are that James will be an invalid too."

"What are you trying to say?" Marion folded her arms across her chest and looked at Martha-Grace, who went on calmly chopping onions. 

"I'm saying that you need to go with what you want, Marion. I can't make this choice for you, but you've got to choose soon, because nobody's here forever."

*****

Dear James.

I'm very sorry, but I don't think I shall remain here at Abbot house for very much longer. I cannot bear to see you come home after reading this letter.

I think you're a wonderful man, but I can no longer allow this ruse of courtship to go on. I want to know a man in person rather than by correspondence, and the fact that I never see you tears me apart! I'm so sorry, James, and I hope you can forgive me. 

Sincerest regards,

Marion O'Le-

An exuberant knocking on her door jerked Marion from her writing. "Yes?" she called out, annoyed.

Martha-Grace bounded into the room. "James Abbot's illness hasn't gotten better. He's coming back to England."