the life we could have had | kwon soonyoung

we

days never seemed to consist of
a lot of sand.
they always kind of slipped down
their narrow necks
not seeming to change a lot
about the bulb's weight.

but days with soonyoung
seemed to run.
days with soonyoung
were bright yellow.
they smelled of sunshine
and tasted like sunflower seeds.
but they ran,
no matter how fast you tried
to chase;
days with soonyoung
were a beautiful second.
nothing more.
and nothing less.
she wished they could have been
timeless.

〔〕

they stood
and waited
side by side
in the cafeteria.
his honey drop eyes
wandered over the grey scenery
while her's
examined the familiar food.
and suddenly
nothing familiar
had ever looked this disgusting.
so defeated
by the desire of throwing up,
she put down her fork
and sighed.

it was when
the blonde head
popped upwards,
honey meeting tidal waves.

"let's get out of here."

pulled by her wrist
they rushed out of the hall,
food and sadness left behind.
flying over floors and stairs
their giggles echoed
through corridors,
resounding in her glass lung
and his paper heart.

〔〕

he wasted
all the money that he had no use for.
and while the rusty vending machine
swallowed every note of it
soonyoung thought about
last month's pocket money
that glimmered so beautifully
in the moonlight
a night ago.
the comforting crackle
and the warmth of the flames;
he had flushed the last black crumbs
down the toilet.

and while the fire
continued to sting
and reflect in his peaceful eyes,
he smiled by her side
as their mouths tried to replace sand
with chocolate bars, crackers and gummy bears
and their narrow necks
came to swallow something
that wasn't lost time.

a happy waste.

〔〕

yerim's gaze flew over
her shoulder
to make sure
he was still there.

he followed
only inches behind her,
the usual smile:
a lantern
to guide them through the night.
though to him
nothing could beat
the light she radiated
on her own;
for she was a girl of the stars.
at least that's what
his mind imprinted her as.

they sat close.

"soonyoung."

"hm?"

"what–"

she paused,
hesitating.
he stared,
waiting.
she reformed her sentence.

"fated?"
it felt wrong to ask,
her foolish tongue spoke
nonetheless.

soonyoung swallowed
another mouthful
of sand.

to her surprise
he chuckled
and smiled.

"fated."

yerim nodded.
and no doubt,
he would have asked
her, too.
if her question
wouldn't have been
answer enough.

she closed her eyes,
enjoying the faint light
that was radiating from the stars,
dancing and tingling
on her flaking skin.

"yerim?"

"hm?"

"what do you want to do
with your life
someday?"

she stared.
his mind
might have been as foolish
as her tongue,
or maybe
she was just too much of a realist.
and yet,
asking would have been wrong.
so she tied her tongue
and decided to think ahead.
she asked the stars for help
and searched
for what she had written
into their constellations.

"i've always wanted to open
a café.
a small one.
for people to find comfort in
and have their stressed muscles
and minds relax
the second they walk in."

she turned to look at him
and smiled faintly.
pulling her knees
up to her chest
and resting
her throbbing head
on them.

"what about you,
soonyoung?"

he closed his eyes
before his gaze
got lost in the stars
as well.
"i've always wanted
to own a café too,
but with cats.
a cat café.
i would like to have
an own cat as well.
a big cat,
white
with orange patches!
i'd call her orange...
or dimples!
what do you think?"

"i like dimples a lot."

"i like dimples a lot, too."

"what drinks
would you sell?"

legs crossed,
he turned to the side,
facing her completely.
his smile diving her own face
into a pure golden gleam.

"definitely lots of matcha!
it's my mother's favorite–"

"it's my favorite too!",
she exclaims,
blushing immediately
at the sudden raise of voice.

he let out
a soft chuckle.

"and coffee of course.
also freshly pressed
orange juice!"

"and there could be
orange trees
in the backyard!"

"yes!
and we could have
extra cat snacks too!"

"customers could
bring their cats along!"

"and they could
befriend the other cats
at the café!
so both cat and owner
have a benefit!"

"and we could
decorate the room
in various warm colors!"

"so it's settled then."

for a second
she gave him a confused look
and for another
she understood
and debated
whether reaching for the moon
was really worth it.
but the sight
of a blooming dandelion
could not be wasted
for it to be stepped on.

yerim nodded.
he waited.
she smiled.
"it's settled."
soonyoung beamed.

reality and truth
never burned so bright.
and no sight
could have been any more
beautiful
and reckless
and timeless.

〔end of chapter three〕