Abandoned - Zalfie

First kiss

The night was hot and sticky, I had tried to sleep for hours but I was failing miserably. I could hear the waves crashing against the shore while the rain threw itself at my window. As I lay awake my mind wandered, I found myself thinking about my ex, Wilf. Our relationship had not been good, he had cheated and although I had trusted him at the time he had left me damaged afterwards.  As soon as I had started thinking about him I wished I hadn't. Dark thoughts filled my mind and I felt the walls closing in around me. The one night Alfie doesn't stay with me I have a panic attack, great. I fumble for my phone and ring Alfie. He answered almost straight away sounding worried. It was 3 am after all. 

"Zoe, what's wrong? Zoe? I'm coming Zoe don't worry, deep breaths." I could already hear him shutting his front door. My mind was spinning the only thing comforting me was Alfies voice, talking about something that I couldn't focus on. I just needed his voice, his reassurance.  Only 10 minutes later Alfie was in my room holding me in his arms. I eventually calmed down and drifted off to sleep whilst Alfie cradled me.

The next morning I got up and had a freezing cold shower, I washed my hair and pulled it into a bun on top of my head, long hair could be very hard work at times. I felt clean and fresh after last night but I was still fragile, my head was pounding. I started to make Alfie breakfast as he was always a late riser. I ate some lucky charms and checked my emails, more sponsor offers. I nearly always turned them down because I got ridiculous offers, even tissues sometimes. I then checked Twitter, replied to some tweets. Then I checked Tumblr, the Zalfie tag I found a few collages of me and Alfie as usual. I continued to check all the social media and I then carried on making Alfies breakfast.

Alfie wandered in as I was plating up his food and pulled me into a hug and kissing my forehead gently as he did every morning. I felt safe in his arms, Like nothing could ever hurt me. But I had felt this way before and I once again found myself thinking about Wilf. I shivered and moved towards the table out of Alfies reach. When I looked back over my shoulder he looked hurt I immediately felt guilty. We ate breakfast together whilst chatting about what we were going to do with the day. Alfie had a gaming video to upload, I had a blogpost and so on, the list was endless as usual.

A thought popped into my mind. I had considered it for some time but it had always sounded ridiculous so I had brushed it aside. I was sick of pushing it aside, if I thought about it that much I needed some closure on the situation. I though carefully about how to word it before giving up and spitting out my words.

"Alfie, this might seem sudden, I know that we have only been together for a year but I don't see the point in us having separate apartments. We spend all our time together anyway, it is just a waste of money..." I trailed off unsure what else to say. I looked up to see a shocked Alfie.

"Well of course I want to Zoe, it does make more sense.. When though? What would we tell the viewers? They'd freak out!" He pondered looking scared.

I though for a moment, whilst I moved his plate into the kitchen and began to wash up.  "I think you should move in as soon as possible, I want you to anyway. The viewers aren't as crazy as they used to be about me and you, they will be excited obviously but it won't be that bad. We can't doing things because of viewers."

"If you're okay with it I am. I just don't want the shipping to become to much again." There he was again, the thoughtful Alfie, the one who innocently appeared in my day out of  know where. I started to wonder if he would be okay with it, I mean Dr Butler was good but I didn't want the shipping to upset Alfie when he was improving. It might be slow but he is improving and that was all that mattered to me. I had always been the one who got stressed about shipping after my last relationship had been so awful at first I didn't want to tell anyone, not even friends, about me and Alfie. It had taken me about 2 months before I had even told him I liked him. But we were already acting like a couple then, and now we were acting like we were living together but we weren't.