SWING LIFE AWAY

PROLOGUE

I live my life to the fullest since I don't know when. My parents are very supportive to me, they spoil me and let me do whatever I want to do with my life. I have a sport, I won lots of competitions, I got A's since elem to high school, and I'm doing well as a college student. I'm a good daughter even if they spoil me, I'm a financial whiz, I did not hurt people, I follow the rules and regulations of my university, I know what is right and wrong, and I'm a good citizen with no criminal records, no violation records. I love my parents, cousins, and friends. I'm not evil, I forgive those people who hurt me, easily and yet...

"You're diagnosed with stage I-hugdkin's lymphoma, Miss Rios."

I actually don't know how to react the first time I heard that I have a cancer. I just stared at my Doctor for a couple of minutes and I tried processing what he said.

I have a cancer, stage I-hugdkin's lymphoma and... I might die.

"I'm sorry, Miss Rios. But, you have to get the medications you need as soon as possible."

At first, I was laughing and joking but later on, I was crying like a child.

And I remembered the people who are important to me when I realized that death in this age is possible to me. I began to get scared. And it's true that you're going to realize all your wrong doings when you have deadline to live. Maybe, I'm not a good person I thought I am and that, everything I've done in this lifetime is not enough to prove that I'm worthy to live. Maybe, that's why the Lord is giving me this cancer because I'm unworthy.

Is it okay to die without having to fight? I'm going to be bald because of chemo and radiation. I don't want that! If I'm going to die I still want to be beautiful. At wala ding kasiguraduhan kung mabubuhay ba ako once I tried the medications. If it works, it will be cycle again. Mawawala pero babalik.

I'm a nursing student and I know what I'm saying. I considered dying since the day I learned about it. Dun din naman tayong lahat mapupunta, yun nga lang mauuna lang ako.

"When are you going to Ilocos?" Papa asked me with so much concerned in his eyes.

Hindi ko pa nasasabi ang lagay ko pero alam ko na nakakahalata sila dahil sa pagiging matamlay ko nitong mga nakaraang araw.

"This 27th of March, Pa." Pinagpatuloy ko ang pag aayos ng mga gamit ng hindi tinitignan si papa.

I'm going to cry for sure.

Pinagplanuhan kasi ng mga pinsan ko ang pagbabakasyon sa Ilocos kaya hindi ko na pinalagpas ang pagkakataon na 'to. Kailangan kong mag isip at humanap ng lakas ng loob para sabihin sa kanila.

"Surprise! I'm going to die!" Nag practice ako isang araw. Mukha akong tanga na nakaharap sa salamin habang umiiyak.

Tangina. Ganito pala feeling.

"Papa, nandito na po ako and it's beautiful!" Bumaba ako sa bus kung saan ibinaba ako sa mismong resort malapit sa rest house.

Nauna na ako sa mga pinsan ko dahil ang iba'y hindi pwede ngayon umalis kaya nagpasya ako na mauna na.

"That's good, anak! I hope you enjoy your stay there! Nakausap na namin ng mama mo si Rosa at sya na ang bahala sa'yo dyan." Kahit na hindi nakikita ay tumango tango ako.

Nagsimula akong maglakad noong natapos ang usapan namin ni Papa. It's really a good idea to have my vacation here. I'm going to stay here for two months and I'm still thinking if I'm going to undergo in chemotherapy, I just don't want to feel helpless after that and since I'm slowly accepting the thought of dying, mukhang hindi na lang.