Trial and Error

1

Studies have shown that your brain has it's highest proficiency throughout the day when you're not looking at a screen 30 minutes before and after your night's rest.

On an unrelated note, my ceiling is dirty, this bra is uncomfortable, and I'm starving.

Today is the first day of my sophomore year of high school, and after a summer of doing nothing, I'm actually deathly anxious to go back to school just so I can complain daily about how much I hate it.

I guess one could say I'm excited for school to start up again. At least that's the term I would use, considering I couldn't sleep last night and I woke up at 4:03 am this morning. I didn't mean to mess up the efficiency of my brain for the day, I just wanted to see what time it was to make sure I didn't over sleep. Now my whole day is ruined because I checked my phone within a half an hour of waking up. Great.

Anyways, school doesn't start until 8:45, so I decided to get as ready as I could without making noise that would wake up the rest of my family. That meant no making myself some breakfast; just getting dressed, brushing my hair, and rearranging my backpack about 36 times. No breakfast.

After moving my pencil box to every different spot in my backpack that it fits, I'm left with nothing to do but lay down on my bed and think about nothingness. It's still 5:19 so I've got some time I guess. My ceiling is white so it's easy to see dirty spots on it. It is also at least eight feet high and I'm 5'4", so how it got dirty is what I'm trying to figure out here. That, along with ignoring my growling stomach and tight bra, and scolding myself for looking at my phone multiple times within that "crucial" half hour, of course. It's not long before I feel my mind start to wander off to the unlikely situations that could possibly happen to me throughout the school year.

What if I actually use my locker this year? What if someone falls madly in love with me? What if I give in and actually go out with them? What if I love them back? Shit, that got serious fast.

Okay, this really isn't working for me, I think I'm going back to contemplating that grey spot near my ceiling fan.
...

Well that has to have been the most useless few seconds of my life.

Okay damn, brain, I get it, that mysterious dirt is boring. You may continue to torture me with your bullshit 'thinking'.

In middle school, I saw so many people dating and it kind of annoyed me. They were too young to be dating, in my opinion. Their 'relationships' just didn't really matter at such a young age. Even now I still feel like I'm not mature enough to be in a meaningful relationship with anyone.

Back then, I was always relatively silent in class and I stuck to my work, I didn't socialize with people I didn't want to socialize with. However, around my friends I was a completely different person; I was more alive, and me I guess, it's truly amazing the effect trust can have on a person. This trust is what got me through middle school, whilst surrounded on all sides by idiots without the slightest clue of what they would do four seconds from every step they took. High school, for me, changed that a little. I was accepted into a school that took only about three students from each middle school in about 50 different schools. It's a STEM school, which basically means it's a school for nerd geniuses. I'm honestly still confused as to how I got in. Anyways, my 'survival plan' changed a little bit in high school because I felt more at ease with myself. This was most likely because of the larger number of people around me that shared the same mindset as me, despite there being less than 700 students total.

Anyways, the true base that led me to figuring out the secret of surviving high school was my ability to stay away from drama. Ive never really liked anybody before but this one guy in middle school that I had crush on for majority of my time there. At the time, I felt it logical to tell myself I wouldn't date, and I still do to this day. This has worked for me for the most part, even though there were a few nice guys I had to turn down in freshman year. Other than that though, this mental arrangement with myself has brought me to where I am today.