So What

16

well, that's what I thought. I woke up in the hospital.

2 years later

I moved into my own apartment. I stopped cutting. I stopped doing everything wrong. it was like I was a different person. I was finally happy.

I was sitting on the couch listening to Grenade by Bruno Mars when my phone rang stopping the music. rude. I looked at the contact. Oh I felt broken as soon as I saw the name. Should I answer it? No. I can't be that stupid. They were the reason. I declined the call but I felt guilty.

I clicked ring. What am I doing??  They answered after the 5th ring.
"hey its Jakob"

"hey" I practically whispered

"why you callin?" he asked

"I'm calling you because you called me and I wanted to know why you called me. After all these years. After what happened. When I needed you most you wouldn't help you were nowhere to be found" I said silently warm tears sliding down my face.

"I'm sorry but-" he said but I cut him off

"NO. I'm not dealing with your bullshit anymore. Tell me why you called or leave no!" I was angry now my tears were irrelevant. Why was he doing this? Does he really expect me to believe him now after all these years after nothing? What did he need time to become a better person? What he did to me and now just doesn't fucking ughhh. I hate him.

"OK I called because I would like to show you something"

"Um let me think about that, no sorry" I mellowed right down. Why does he do that? He just makes me so emotional and then just makes me happy.

"OK. I know you were crying, you just got really angry at me and I'm sorry. I really mean it, when the person you love tries to kill themselves it breaks you all of you." his voice broke at the end. "you are probably smiling now because I said that I love you and I know how much that means. I know that people. Can't say babe, baby or bae to you now. And every time someone does you brake a little more. You feel hurt when you see a thing that we did, go to a place that we went to, you miss messaging me at stupid times. You feel bad because you didn't try to stay in contact any more than me. And I'm sorry about that. I had to figure out where I was in the world and my life." he finished giving me a second for it to sink in

"I hate it and love it when you do that.
I'm sorry and goodbye" I said and hung up quickly so he couldn't stop me.

I was fine after the call not happy but not sad.

There was a knock on the front door. I was laying on the floor. I scrambled to my feet. Walking to the door. I opened it and it was...