kiss | soonhoon

03

jihoon noticed that there was something off about soonyoung from the moment they had stepped off the train. usually, he was cheerful and loud and a little embarrassing, but now he was just... quiet. it was strange. jihoon had never heard silence from soonyoung.

soonyoung and jihoon had stopped by at a little café to grab something to eat. jihoon stared at soonyoung as the older soundlessly sipped a cup of coffee.

"soonyoung?" he asked.

"yeah?" soonyoung replied.

"are you okay?" jihoon said.

soonyoung hesitated. "...yeah."

jihoon bit his lip. "no you're not." he wanted to say, but when he opened his mouth, he couldn't say anything. he didn't have the courage to risk making soonyoung more upset.

and that was exactly why jihoon hated intimacy with soonyoung. he didn't want to get too close because, although he had never admitted it, he loved soonyoung too much. he didn't want to jeopardize their relationship.

every time soonyoung tried to give him a kiss, he flinched away. every time soonyoung leaned in to hug him, he squirmed out of soonyoung's embrace. he wouldn't even let soonyoung hold his hand.

"i'm so pathetic..." jihoon thought to himself while soonyoung gazed into space, his brown eyes unfocused.

jihoon violently shoved a spoonful of rice into his mouth. soonyoung was obviously unhappy about something, but he probably didn't want to tell jihoon. maybe because he didn't think jihoon would care, or maybe because he didn't trust him. jihoon didn't blame him. it was his own fault.

he didn't deserve soonyoung. he knew he didn't.

yet, even though jihoon loved soonyoung too much to be close with him, he also loved him too much to let him go.