Inevitable Endings

2

My biggest fear is hearing or seeing the words "I don't love you anymore"
Just writing that made me sad, I mean I already am sad but thats not the point.
I still love Sophia, it fucking claws at me, why can't I move on?
I got options and all that but it isn't the same, I was the one who initiated the convo to start me and hers relationship, it was really hard. Now its too easy, I'm not tryna sound like a fuckboi or anything but damn bruh, women are either getting hella easier, or they're just pitying me, its prolly the second option, I aint the best looking guy.
There is this one girl who's hella cute and I vibe to, but too much drama around her, and I feel like she has hella guys in her dms, I dont wanna go after a girl who has hella guys after em, which means its less of a chance for me, like I said I aint the greatest lookin guy, prolly a 6/10.
I get paid tomorrow, I cant help but to think of taking a girl on a romantic date, never really had money before so I didnt do much with Sophia, we would play Pokemon go and all that and consider that a "date" but deep down I know she didnt enjoy it that much, deep down I knew she wasn't happy that I couldn't take her places. One time I spent my money I had saved up on some Pokemon cards for her, went to her house in the freezing rain to give it to her, I skipped school to bring her food when she was starving cuz she didnt eat.
I did a lot, but it didnt seem like she was happy with me, she would always leave me for other guys and when it didnt work come back to me, I was so oblivious to it I didn't think much of it.

Sometimes I want to die, but I'm too scared of death so its like I'm stuck in between.
It feels like I'm not supposed to die, I'm only 17 and I'm thinking about death, why is it? Why did it just give its sudden appearance in my life? I mean it was always there, but why did it just now announce its presence?
Does this mean I'm going to die soon?