What goes unseen

Anything you recognize, I probably don't own. This is my first time writing these characters, and in this style. Basically, how I deal with my anger management issues over how the avengers were treated after routinely putting their lives on the line and saving everyone's asses

They're not who you think they are. Of course, you see what everyone sees. You see how they save the world, you see how they fight, how they work as a team, but you don't see below the surface. You don't see everything.

You don't see the Captain waking himself up screaming, because the heater is out, and it's dipped below seventy degrees. He's terrified that he's in the ice again, (He remembers it. Days and weeks and months he was awake and aware it was so fucking cold cold coldcoldcold never gonna be warm.) He's scared that he's gone back to sleep and it'll be months or years or decades before he wakes up again, and everyone's going to be gone.

You don't see the Man of Iron after he's been awake for a week straight, looking like coffee is the only thing keeping him awake (sometimes he wonders if it's all that's keeping him alive. He so tired. So fucking tired all the time but he can't sleep. The demons in his head are waiting on him to sleep) He just wants to make one more thing to make up for all the harm he's caused. All the lives he's taken. Just one more prosthetic, one more bandage, one more to make up for everything he's done wrong.

You don't see the Big Green Monster when he's small and smart and shy and so very, very kind. You don't see him as he lies awake at night, going through a mental list of all the wrong he's done, on how everything is his fault. You don't see him when a Little Red Ballerina or a Hawk-Eyed Man pull him back from a ledge because maybe, just maybe this will be what can finally do him in. Maybe this time the Monster won't be able to save him. (He ignores the Little Red Ballerina and the Hawk-Eyed mans whispers that the Monster will just go on a rampage and add to his list of sin, to his list of death. He just wants it to be over)

You don't see the Little Red Ballerina when she scrubs her hands until they're puffy and bruised because dammit she can see the blood and it'll never go away and she can never atone and she just wants to atone goddammit, goddammit, goddammit, please please please, just let her atone. You don't see the Little Red Ballerina when the Soldier created of Winter and the Hawk-Eyed man hold her between them, gentle and whispering that's she good, she's kind, she's atoning, it'll be okay. (She can't tell them that she can see the blood up to her elbows and it's fucking dripping and she's never going to be able to wipe out the red.)

You don't see the Thunder God when he sits and sobs because he's lost everything (Even the brother he always swore to protect, and it's all his fault, it's all his fault, please, take me instead) and he just wants to go back and make it right. He wants to protect everyone from every mistake he's made, but god, he's got a tally and it never seems to end, he's doing more harm than good and everyone's dying, everyone's dying (He can't see the way his family tries to surround him, even when he can't see them, because he's doing his best and he's saving people and they'll always love him, even when he's acting like a child)

You don't see the Hawk-Eyed man when he's quiet (so quiet, the Little Red Ballerina hates it, he's too quiet and that means he's blaming himself and she hates it when he blames himself because he's so good why can't he see that he's so good) When he falls apart only within his mind, because he thinks he's caused enough problems. He doesn't deserve his family, or his Little Red Ballerina or his team because all he is is weak and useless and he hates it. He hates not being special like the rest of them, so he tries to make it up by being good at what he does but shit, it's not enough, and they're fucking hurt and it's all my fault

You don't see the Boy of Spiders, who just wants to be like everyone else, but instead he's special (He's a goddamned monster, and he knows it, and he's going to get his friends hurt one of these days when someone figures out his secret, and it's going to kill May, and how can he do this to her??) You don't see him when everything is too much, and too bright, and too loud, and he can't breathe (he can't breathe, he can't breathe, please someone help, I can't breathe, I can't breathe, Ican'tbreatheIcan'tbreatheIcan'tIcan'tIcan't)