The Other Side of Me

One

"And how does that make you feel?"

"Fine, I guess." I can't explain it. That's the reason I came to this therapy appointment. To try and 'explain my feelings', which apparently I was just holding up inside. Constantly.

I had been going to therapy for 3 years now. Yup. Since I was 14. And since I'm still underage and 'not aware of my decisions', my parents have to accompany me. Every. Single. Freaking. Time.

"Hey, it's ok. You can do this." My dad sits on the very end of the couch, while I sit on the opposite. In the middle, my mom, already in tears, is looking at me with those eyes. I can't blame her, I mean I did just explain to her that I've been basically lying to her this whole time, telling everyone 'I'm fine', when in fact, I'm not. It might have been me or the atmosphere, but all of the sudden I got really tense.

"Well, I just feel empty, there's not much left."

That's true. It's a phenomenon that I've had for a long time, and I still can't explain it. My mind has no control of itself anymore. My heart, broken. My life, nonexistent. Ever since Evelyn died, I have felt as if half of me is gone. I no longer wanted to do anything in life, as I had no backbone to support me.

Another hour passes by, and I am filled with relief to get out of that hell hole they called "help". I climb into the car, feeling worse than I did before the session, and just stare out the window.

"So do you like Dr. Johnson?" My mom questions me.

"Yea, I guess." I'm not really listening. I'm still stuck in my thoughts, staring out of the car window. I think of when this wasn't a public issue, and how no one noticed. I've always felt a certain way since my heart was shattered, and my other half was no more.

———
2 weeks ago....

"So why did you come to see me? Would you like to change any of your courses for next year? It's not too lat-"

"Um, that's not why I'm here, it's, ah, about, something else" I stared at the clock behind her desk. My guidance teacher looked at me confused as to why I'm here, while I stare at the clock. 12:23 pm. Dang. I'm missing English, my favourite subject.  Also, I can't leave my sister alone, she kinda struggles in English. It's ok though, where I lack in other things she makes up for it. It's like we are always meant to be together.

"I'm here because I wanted to tell you something."

"Ok Elle, what?"

Then, all of the sudden this burst of confidence came over me, from God knows where. I explain to her the incident, and how I've been depressed for a while, but have excused it as 'hormones', because everyone believes that. I'm a 17 year old girl, acting moody is basically my nature. This mood, however lasted long and cold. I didn't like to do much anymore, and I would be up till the early hours, trying to distract myself from all these thoughts. Evelyn suggested I go and talk to someone, which is where I'm at.

"You're not good enough, you were never liked. No wonder everyone ignores you. Your friends are only your friends because they pity you." You know, the usual.

As I'm telling her everything, tears start to form in my eyes, I blink back them, as the hot water runs down my cheeks. The sensation of crying has left me numb, I don't feel sad anymore when I cry. I just let it out, it's not healthy to keep tears in.

"So did you actually use the knife?" She asked, with a very concerning look on her face.

The truth is I did and didn't at the same time.
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A/N: Hey guys it's me author-nim!! I hope you enjoy this as it's my first published book!! Also if you have any ideas please don't hesitate to drop a comment!!
Also I know this chapter kinda boring, but trust me it gets better
xo