Heated // Grayson Dolan

FOUR

*

Furrowing my brows, I looked around at my surrounding. I sat in my car which was crashed at exactly the same place that it crashed into the night Audrey died.

I look to my right and see Audrey gasping for air.

"Audrey?!" I shouted as I frantically tried to help her.

She grabbed the glass that was lodged into her throat the night she died and yanked it out of her throat herself. She was covered in blood as the gash bled out.

"Why the fuck did you do it Sydney?!" She yelled as tears streamed down her face.

"I didn't mean to, I'm sorry!" I sobbed.

"I told you that you shouldn't had been the one driving. I offered to drive myself. Why the fuck would you put our lives in danger?!" She yelled as her mouth quivered and her voice shook.

"I'm sorry." I sobbed harder. "I can't fucking tell you how sorry I am."

"Yeah well that's not gonna change the fact I'm dead."

"I know, I regret it every second of every day. I wish you were here with me. It should've been me not you. But I know I wouldn't want you to be a mess after losing me so I have to try to not be a mess after losing you..."

"That's the thing, Sydney. You killed me, you're the reason I'm dead.

I want you to be a mess. You don't deserve anything but to be a mess. I hate you for killing me, and I can never forgive you for it."

*

"Nooooo!" I screeched as I instantly sat up in the bed. "Audrey..." I whimpered.

"Sydney?!" Dallas slammed the door open as he ran over to me. "Are you alright?! What happened?!" he asked frantically as he squatted down next to me.

"I'm fine" I answered as tears poured down my face.

"You're not... What happened? Bad dream? Scary thoughts?"

"I said I'm fine." My voice cracked.

"C'mon, it's obvious you're not. Talk to me."

"Dallas I said I'm fine." I shouted as I buried my face into my knees before lifting my head back up with tears continuing to pour down.

He let out a breath of defeat before quietly leaving the room.

The doorbell rung, I heard Dallas feet shuffle to the front door. I forced myself to get up and walk to the bedroom door, being sure to close and lock the door. I pressed my ear to the door so I could hear what was going on.

"Hey bro, what's up?" I could hear Grayson's cheerful voice ask as I heard his footsteps walking in.

"Hey, Gray. What're you doing here?" Dallas spoke.

"I was in the area so I figured I could stop by and say hi... Something wrong, man?"

"Yeah, but I'll take care of it." Dallas sighed.

"What happened?"

"I think Sydney had a bad dream or something. I woke up to her screaming, and when I tried to comfort her she kept pushing me away. I think she let whatever it was get to her head." Dallas replied.

I rolled my eyes before pulling away from the door. I didn't want to hear them talking about me. I didn't want to hear how they pitied me and wanted to help. I didn't want help. Not anymore. Audrey couldn't forgive me for what I've done to her. Could you blame her though?

I laid back down in the bed, shoving my face into a pillow. Allowing all my pain be muffled into the pillow so that neither Dallas nor Grayson would try to help me out.

A soft, gentle knock sounded on the bedroom door.

"Syd?" Grayson's kind voice called from the other side of the door

I lifted my head off the pillow. "Go away."

"Can you open the door for me? I want to talk to you"

"No."

"Please?" his voice was desperate yet soft.

I groaned, rolling my eyes before forcing myself out of the bed again. I opened the door. Grayson's face was shocked yet relieved. Not saying a single word to him, I sat back down at the bed. Grayson shut the door behind him as he followed me.

"Hi..." he spoke softly. He attempted making eye contact but I kept my head down.

I didn't reply, I didn't make a single sound or movement.

"I heard about this morning..." he spoke slowly, he was being careful with his words as if he was handling a fragile piece of glass.

I still hadn't responded to him. I questioned why I even let him in, I hated every single second of this one way conversation.

"It seems like you don't want to talk about it, but if you don't tell me what happened I can't help you."

"I don't want help" I shook my head slowly as another tear streamed down my face.

"Why not?"

"Who could possibly forgive someone after that someone caused their death? Let alone wish a good, happy life for that someone?"

"You don't think your best friend of all people would forgive you for what happened. You said it yourself, you would want her to live on without you if you switched positions..."

"That's the thing, Grayson. I'm too nice to people, I'm always so quick to forgive people. Especially Audrey. I don't think she would forgive me though. I killed her."

"I don't know how that thought got into your head, but I'm she would have..."

"No. I don't want to hear it. Especially from you, you haven't even met her. You've barley even met me." I raised my head to look back at him. He looked hurt, and I hate that I did that to him but it was the truth. "I'm sorry..."

"No, I get it..." he nodded his head as he stood up. "Listen, I want you to think about it okay? You're right, I didn't meet her and I've just met you a week ago. But if I know anything, it's that you deserve to be happy. I know your true self is somewhere in there, and I can't wait to meet her one day. You have to admit to yourself that if she was a true friend, she'd forgive you, she'd know it was a stupid decision made when you weren't in a good state of mind. But even if she wouldn't have, you have to forgive yourself because at the end of the day she's gone. You may hate that she's gone and regret that one decision to drive but it doesn't change the fact she's gone. I can tell you're a good person from all the little things I've picked up like the way you show regret, the way you've talked about Audrey, the way you've tried to live your life again when you truly thought Audrey would've even though it only lasted one day and it was incredibly difficult for you, the way you got excited over little ducks, the way you've joked around a couple times even when you're going through such harsh times... you deserve to be happy, you deserve to live your life to the fullest. And you can call me crazy for trying so hard to help you when I barley know you but I see the real you in there somewhere, and, fuck, I really want to meet her."