Having Grace

23.

"What do you mean?" I asked as Roman took me to his car.

"You want a quiet night in." He repeated himself.

Nothing made sense. I went to him for help, surrendering my only contact to my friends, my phone and I am now in his car, yet again.

I've stared at the front dash that many times, I could probably count every single bump in the design.

I swear this seat has my ass imprint.

I put on my seatbelt and sighed. And who is this person pretending to be Roman?

Why is he being kind to me? He can't tolerate me. He reminds me of that every time he calls me princess.

I'm his reminder of who I am, well, was. I don't know.

He is trying to talk to me, be civil with me and yet, whenever I had tried over the weeks we were married, even afterwards when I was not so blessed with his presence, he would ignore me.

I leaned my forehead against my window. This is all so confusing to me. But I find it's no longer, strangely enough, awkward. Like I'm used to this, used to him treating me this way. Used to being in his ever dominating silence and presence. His cold silence and frowning face.

I'm so used to being the centre of attention that once I was pushed to the shadows, I found I liked it there.

Roman had taught me some stuff, I don't know if he was ever planning to do it or not, but I no longer find myself constantly checking my social media. I'm no longer on the phone for endless hours droning about stuff I thought was appealing to me at one point. I no longer want to be known. I don't want to be the life of the party.

But I want to have fun. Just not being photographed or recorded while doing it. I want to go out and laugh, just not while I am drunk or high. I want to dance and enjoy the music, just not in a club.

I just want to be Grace.

"Can you please tell me where you are taking me." I asked Roman again, but as usual, radio silence.

"We were having an actual conversation earlier. What changed?" I thought maybe asking him this would get his lips to move, but nothing did.

I went back against the window. The traffic was light, compared to it wasn't peak hours yet. Roman had done some stuff to me, and for me, that in a way did help me. But was I really pulsating out a SOS signal? Was I that much of a lost cause?

But then he did stuff that blew me off my feet, like buying my parents house and giving it back to them.

Roman Parker is an enigma. He is so cold and then today in his office I saw the warmth.

The drive was at a harsh silence and I think Roman might have forgotten I was in the car.

I played with my thumb ring as I started to stress on our destination. He wouldn't tell me where we were going. He wouldn't even hint it out. I peeked over to him as he concentrated on the road.

Why does he plague me so much? Why has my world turned upside down since meeting this man? Why am I constantly at thought over each and every encounter we have had? Each time we fought, every nasty word we have said, every time he takes my arm, they constantly float in my head.

But so does his fingers as I scratched my palms. The circles he drew on my palms with his fingers. His laughing echoing in my ears. His desire to know my shame story.

How he grudgingly spoilt me at the markets, not wanting to spend money, but refused to let me pay for anything.

There were two sides to Roman. One was his cold and harsh business side, the other, even though I've only been introduced to it on Monday, it's warm and soft.

Is that what Roman looks like when he is happy? Why would he be happy? I'm a thorn in his side. So it isn't me for the reason of his happiness.

Has he found someone? Has his heart thawed and everyone gets a piece of his happiness?

I looked in front of me to a huge estate. It was massive and gorgeous and old. But it was getting restored. By the looks, they have nearly finished the outside.

As we got closer, my interest grew. The place looked familiar, it felt that way too.

"Have I been here before?" I asked as I turned to Roman.

"Yes." He answered as he stopped the car and getting out.

I jumped out off the car and looked at the magnificent building in front of me.

"This is my family home, where I grew up, princess."