More Than Friends

MOVING ON

Not so easily, but finally we had our lives sorted. Ragini started dating Aarav and they took it for 8 long months by now. Both of them were serious for each other as well. For me, it was fun being in love with Vaani. I had a lot to look forward to. The only problem we have had so far was time issues. She belonged to different stream. We barely talked. We met once a day and left messages for each other like earlier. No me of the schedule making helped. We just couldn't come online on same time. It was a big shame to me. She was my girlfriend since a broad one year and more (who remembers exactly) and all we knew about each other was our likes, dislikes and hobbies.

Okay fine. It wasn't just this. We knew where the other one lives too.

My idea of love was never about knowing each others likes and dislikes or asking them their hobbies. I always wanted someone who would try knowing me beyond these things. Everyone thought I was a player and so they never cared about my feelings. Little did they know it takes right person at right place with right things to say and that's where love happens. I wasn't a player. There is no harm in looking for love when love isn't looking for you. I was convinced that my search for love has ended at vaani but no one else was.

Every time I came online on facebook for vaani, I found Ragini. So I don't know if I was indeed unlucky not having found Vaani there for anytime I was online. I felt lucky somehow.

Ragini was always there for me and so was I for her. I don't remember how many times I have been there for Vaani when she needed me but for Ragini it was exactly 74 times. I never believed in memorising the numbers but couldn't help it. As I said, she=unbelievable. From getting mad at her for her carelessness towards her health to making her smile right after that, I was always there. 13 months (how the fuck I remember this), and not a single tear in her eyes. I was indeed successful in keeping her happy. I don't exactly remember the reason why, but I and Vaani started drifting apart. Maybe it was because of my care for Ragini but just an honest fact is that nothing is ever one sided. I think it wasn't love and that's why we had those growing distances. I don't demean anything with Vaani because she indeed made a few months of my life extremely bright. I could barely notice any sorrows in my life.

So it was end of the some month anniversary of mine and Vaani's. Now we had that serious talk that most of the couples usually do after their special occasion. The same together forever promises and never break my heart demands. Vaani and I weren't like any other couples but yet, we chose to do these formalities. For the first time i didn't want to make any of the promises. It was as if I was not being honest to myself. Vaani's concerns had reasons. Everyone else in the school wanted me and Ragini to get into each other. Each one around us admired the bond between me and her. Actually I, myself admired the bond I shared with her. If the bond between me and vaani was truly love, what I had with Ragini was way better than love.

As I said, my idea of love was beyond likes and dislikes, Ragini was the first one who looked through me rather than just looking at me. Every other friend of mine was there for me when I was in pain but she was the one who cried in my pain. When even I couldn't trust myself, she trusted me with everything. She was the only girl who believed that I wasn't a player and that means a lot if you can feel me. She was my saviour. Every time I lost myself, she guided me to myself. She knew my past, she was supporting my present and was very confident about my happy future. If anyone ever talks to her about me, they will know how she always knew me better than me.

I was feeling repelled by Vaani and being strongly as well as strangely attracted to Ragini. Love is friendship I have heard and now I knew what it meant. I was confused by now if I ever loved Vaani. No doubt we had a beautiful relationship but we were never friends. She never asked me how my day was because she was busy asking me how I liked her in the picture she updated recently on social media. She never asked me if I was fine because she was just too busy telling me how 'not fine' she is. She never even asked me if I was happy with her because her own happiness was secured because of me. Coming to the attraction side, Ragini was exactly opposite of her. She asked me what's bothering me every time I yelled at her for no reason. She helped me with my mess whenever I asked her to stay out of it. She always asked me if I was fine no matter how terrible state she was herself in.

Choice was clear. Like everyone said, me and Ragini indeed could have made a better pair but it wasn't so easy. Otherwise I fell for her totally. She believed me and cared for me madly. If at all any one of us made any effort we could have been a really beautiful couple. We were so loved and admired by every one around. Love triangles were trending those days but ours was love square. I, Ragini, Vaani and Aarav.

Hahaha. See how the order of naming changed automatically. I couldn't think of any other name next to me but of Ragini.

Days were brighter than they earlier were and nights turned longer in deep thoughts. It was a pond full of feelings and I didn't know which feeling of mine belonged to whom. I was literally lost all day. I knew for sure that I was moving on from Vaani but I had other confusions to settle. And the greatest of my confusions was if Ragini felt the same for me or not.