it's complicated- lrh

•three•

"Mom?" I say as I walk through the doors of my home. For the past week my mother hasn't been home and I'm a bit frantic. She has done this a few times before, but she'd always call or leave a message to let me and Mikey know that she's safe and we don't need to worry about her. So I get a instinct to start blowing up her phone. I probably called my mother about five or six times so I just gave up and left her a voice mail, hoping she'll reply back. "Hey mom it's uh Cara. I just wanted to call to make sure you're okay and all. If you get this please call me back. Love you buh-bye."

Before I start to lose my mind, I began to text Michael to see if he had heard anything back from our mom.

To: twin brotha: Hey. have you heard anything from mom at all? She hasn't been answering my calls or text messages.

From: twin brotha: Nope not that I know of. If you're getting worried, don't. She'll come home eventually trust me 'car. I'll be home with your favorite person soon haha ttyl(:

To: twin brotha: I hope so. And very funny dh I'm dreading today😤 ttyl brotha.
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While I'm waiting for them to get here I go on face time with Ashley. "So the party is coming up in a week and since we're single ass bitches, I think we should wear some costumes that go together. I was going for a Christian grey and Anna look." Ashley said I hope jokingly. "Haha no. The costume idea sounds like a plan but maybe like a demon and angel kind of look? Obviously you would be the demon 'cause why not." I say while releasing a laugh. "Shit that's a smart idea we'll look like sex magnets. That'll score me a date with Calum Hood." Ashley said with her eyebrows wiggling up and down. "I swear you're always into the fuckboys Ash stop living in your fantasy world!" "Hey you never know, I could turn that sexy piece of shit into a golden angel who has sex after marriage." Ashely says convincingly. "Oh yeah that'll happen." I say as I look out my window seeing the two people I was expecting to come home an hour ago. I hear them unlock the door and step into the house finally. "Is that mysterious boy I hear?" Ashley says trying to embarrass me. "Present." Luke says interrupting me and Ashley's discussion. "Bye now Lockwood." I say while waving through the screen and ending the call.

"Took you guys long enough." I say while shaking my head in disapproval. "Oh did you miss us too much little sis?" Michael says while engulfing me into a bear hug. "Get off of me before I choke to death idiot." I say trying to escape from his tight arms around me. I'm going to my room to do whatever. Don't be doing anything sexual while I'm not around." Michael says looking directly at Luke and then heading upstairs to his room. "Nah I'm good." I say with a disgusted look on my face. Luke rolls his eyes at me based on my response to michaels comment. "What?" I say questioning Luke. "Nothing." Luke says with a short laugh which made me crack a smile a bit.

"Okay let's start working on this dumb project I rather get it out of the way then spend 2 and half weeks with you doing nothing 'cause I dont know how long I'll be able to be in a room with you." I say as I pull my materials for the project out of my back pack. "Really huh? I didn't think you'd mind seeing this for two weeks straight I mean look at me." Luke says while making gestures up and down his body in a douche way. "Well then your expectations are very low." I say not holding back being rude. "Ouch that hurt me right in the heart." Luke said putting a hand over his heart acting in pain. "Would you quit being an ass so we can actually get something done today?" I say to Luke as I flip through my history book trying to search for information. "Whatever okay."

Me and Luke were getting little stuff done but barely anything at the moment. He kept trying to distract me and I was getting into a really bad mood until I actually said something. "Whatever you're doing right now, stop. I don't want to fail this project just because you want to fool around and not give a fuck. I'm sick of your bullshit." "Wow Cara I was just trying to have some what of a good time but if you want to be a prissy little bitch, so be it." Luke says to me not realizing what he said made me go insane. "What did you just say Hemmings?" I say while gritting my teeth together trying to hold my anger inside me the best of my capability. "You heard me Clifford. You've always been high maintenance and do you see me complaining about it? No because I'm actually able to hold shit in and not let it get to my head unlike you clearly." Luke says raising his husky voice up a notch further. "You dont know what I feel Luke get over yourself. You have absolutely no right to assume how I work and what I think." "Caroline I'm not assuming I'm just stating what's a reality. Go ahead get butthurt over my words. I won't change and neither will your fucking attitude." Luke says as he gets off the couch for some odd reason. "If you think your dad can save you right now, you're so wrong. And oh where's your mom at right now? I guess you're stuck with your brother. Go screw yourself Cara." Luke says with his voice loud and clear as daylight. I start to feel tears peak in the side of my eyes and they start steaming down my face. There was a look on Luke's face that was filled with guilt and culpability. "Cara wait I'm sor-" "Get the hell out of my house Luke." I say as i turn my back on him not letting Luke see the hurt look that I'm giving off. "Cara seriously pleas-" "Don't make me repeat myself. Get out!" As soon as I said that, Luke picks up his things and slams the front door shut and leaves me on the couch unnevred and baffled. I never knew that Luke could be so harsh and bring my family into this. I was about to not give him the cold shoulder and try to understand him. But after today, I don't think I could ever look at him the same.

About an hour later, my brother comes downstairs to see me in the same spot still having tears in my eyes and my face still red. "Studying session end so early?" Michael said oblivious of what's going on so I just shrug my shoulders. "Where did lu- oh my god Cara. What's wrong?" Michael says as he goes to sit on the couch next to me silently asking for reassurance. "Nothing Mikey don't worry about it. It won't you no good at all." I say not wanting to let my brother know what all went down. If he finds out, he'll tear Luke apart and their friendship will be over. I could never do that to mike. No matter how much I might despise Luke's guts, I dont want their years of being best friends to take a turn just because of me. "Mike seriously drop it and leave me alone. " "No cara." Michael says a little louder this time. "I said drop it Michael!" Michael looks hurt after what I said so he just huffs and says "Fine. I'm done trying." And storms off.

I still can not comprehend the words that Luke spoke to me. Even if he did apologize to me after today or didn't mean what he said, it doesn't change the fact that he made me feel worthless and unwanted. I always was aware of random people who hated on me or still do to this minute because of envy, their own problems, or not liking me for the way I put myself out there. But Luke is none of those things. I took everything he said to heart and I'm not completely sure if I'll ever be able to fully forgive him. Luke not knowing that I have issues with my mental health could've made me do something I dont want to visualize in my headspace. Tonight I almost grabbed a razorblade and took it to my wrists. But if I ever did that again, my dad would never forgive me. Luke doesn't need to know what goes on in my head. I went through unimaginable things when my dad was killed, and I dont want mikes best friend to be the reason why I want to end it all. All I can do in this moment is just plug my earphones in, close my eyes, and try to erase everything that occurred today, even if its only for a few hours.
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I'm v soz about this chapter I just had to do something to spill some tea and bring all those hemmotions out.

It'll get smoother eventually trust me y'all I hope you enjoyed this chapter?

Your lord and savior, Rylee. Signing out Xx