Shut up (SMOSH fanfic)

Chapter 7.

He let me kiss him. 

Anthony didn't push me away and we both knew good enough the reason for that.

Anyone could see in my eyes how desperate and heartbroken I was.

This probably was the reason why he did the next.

I pulled away from my own kiss, realizing what have I actually done, and I got scared a little bit.

He looked at me, slowly wrapped his arms around my neck. Anthony's forehead touched mine, and he smiled at me.

And then he pressed his lips against mine.

It didn't last too long, but we knew that this is going to be a secret. And not a small one. A big one.

He was slowly stroking my back.

"I'm gonna go to sleep now." he said, and pressed his lips against mine.

"goodnight" I said. I cried that night because I knew this is gonna be a one time only thing.

Nobody knew that I turned straight. Yes my parents knew that I'm 'straight' but that was a lie.

You see, my problems were big enough to try and kill myself but you know what? Suicide sucks. It is running away from problems, and you die unhappily. If you die. If you survive, you will live with the awful thought that you've actually tried to take away your own life.

Now trust me, I've tried, not even once.

My mother died, and although my foster parents cared about me, I never felt like being loved.

I went to school every day, I was bullied, I cut, I never felt like staying in the same place.

And there was my 'brother'.

I remember Ian from the beginning, since I can remember.

But time is slowly fading away, and every day something gets lost in the abyss.

When I first saw him was the day when I went to kindergarden and he was leaving to go to school.

My mom knew her mom, they were actually friends but she never mentioned me. She always told them that she's babysitting me.

The house was still empty only a few boxes were there.

When I turned 15 I finally got permission to go there and pick her old stuff up. That was when I read all those stuff she kept in her diary.

I don't remember much because I was 5 years old, when my mom passed.

But I've read her diary. 

It was a bit too much because of the lots of details she put in.

I have no idea what happened yesterday. I remember I got really really drunk, and I woke up at a man's place, without my clothes.

I think the booze was enough to do my job again.

With Leeann at home I have nothing else, than this scum, sucking other people's dicks.

The only time I was a bit happy about our financial status when I met that old creepy guy who was nice enough to pay lots.

I actually didn't understand what was she talking about, and I looked at the other page.

Had a quite nice looking guy today. Yes I know, if I read this again a few years later (if I don't kill myself) I will be like: what was I even thinking, leaving my daughter home alone while I'm at the streets with a name like Sandy Lollypop and shit. Actually no, that is not my name, I got stuck with Cherry. Just Cherry.

I don't like being a prostitute, but the other choice was starving to death.

I never told anyone about this. My mother was a prostitute, what would they even think?

Rest in peace mom, I'm gonna miss you no matter what.

When I turned 10, Ian had 2 more years in school, and I had 9 more.

He was sick of me and until he moved out he tried to avoid me. 

I never knew what was his problem.

When we were in the same room we often terrorised each other, of course when the parents didn't see it. When he was really mad at me, he hit me and then we started to beat each other.

We never got scars from it though.

When I turned 13, he visited us, and that was when my mind went crazy.

I was watching the TV when everything got dark.

"mom" I yelled "the power went out."

"can you go and switch it back on?" she asked "I am making cookies and..."

"okay I'll get it" I remember I was grumpy as fuck and went to the basement with a flashlight, turned the electricity back on, and went back to the kitchen. Mom was nowhere near it and I was scared as fuck.

I went back to my room and when I opened the door, mom, dad and Ian was there yelling surprise, and Ian said it a bit late with a 'bitch' at the end.

"Ian mind your tongue" mom warned him

"I'm minding it, it is in my mouth" he said. I started to giggle, and he looked at me.

We stayed in the living room.

"I'll be back" mom said, and we kept on watching Pokémon.

"and how does it feels like to be thirteen?"

"ah, nothing special" I answered.

"sis... You remember those days when we tried to kill each other?"

"of course I remember" I laughed.

"I'm sorry about those days"

"at least I learned how to fight so thank you for the valuable life lesson" I looked at him, smiling.

We both have blue eyes, except that mine is greenish/grayish blue and his are nice normal blue.

Two years later I had a big party, and a big fight, but I'll talk about that later.

I woke up at 6 in the morning. Quickly got up and brush my teeth. I don't wanted to sleep.

I heard some noise in the kitchen.

"you've got everything?"

"yea I think so." I ran back to my room and sat on my bed.

I heard some knocks on my door, then it opened.

"wow you up so early?" 

"yes" I said.

"mom and dad are here, so we're going." I got up to give them a hug. First, Ian hugged me.

"I'm gonna miss you two idiots." my eyes became watery, Ian let go of me and I looked at Anthony.

I hugged him really tightly.

"ow ow ow don't break me ow"

"sorry" I said laughing for a moment and wiping away the tears.

"see ya sis. Be good."