Bits & Pieces

When Harry Met Adage

Harry and Burt were old friends having shared school and some employment years together before Burt quit and left on a sabbatical. When asked why, Burt said he needed to discover his inner self, to learn true meaning. Harry tried a couple more questions, receiving more of the same incomplete, uninformative responses. He drove Burt to the airport and saw him off on his search imploring him to keep in touch.

Several years passed and one day Harry received a letter saying Burt was coming home and wanted to get together. It was arranged and Harry would pick him up at the airport. On arrival day, Harry was faithfully outside the arrivals gate and waved as he saw his old friend coming down the ramp.

They came together in a brief hug and handshake and Harry was amazed, Burt looked older and seemed a bit removed.

"Look at you! Your flight was a little late."

"Better late than never."

"True. Geez pal, I missed you."

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder."

"I guess it does, but you're here now."

"There's no place like home."

"Are you hungry? Would you like to get something?"

"There's no time like the present."

"Where would you like to go; it's on me."

"Beggars can't be choosers."

"Well I know a place that's quite popular with good food."

"When in Rome, do as the Romans."

"They might be busy right now. You mind waiting a bit in line?"

"Never look a gift horse in the mouth."

Harry put Burt's bags in his car and they drove out of the airport.

"So, Buddy, what have you been up to? Did you find what you were looking for?"

"You can't always get what you want."

"Oh, wasn't it a success?"

"You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink."

"Not what you expected?"

"The grass is always greener on the other side of the hill."

"But you were gone so long. Why did you stay?"

"A picture is worth a thousand words."

"And was it?"

"Good things come to those who wait."

"So you found something worthwhile?"

"One man's trash is another man's treasure."

"Well it worked out then."

"You can't judge a book by its cover."

Harry turned off the highway and onto a main road into town.

"It's not far now. Just a couple of stop lights."

"A watched pot never boils."

"True. Ah, there we are. Looks like we might have beaten the crowd."

"The early bird catches the worm."

"This is great, only the local office crowd so far. The rest'll be long soon."

"Birds of a feather flock together."

"Yep and for good reason. This place has a great rating from the health inspectors."

"Cleanliness is next to godliness."

"C'mon, we'll sit in the lounge; it's a bit quieter and more exclusive. They have a surcharge but the service is worth it."

"There's no such thing as a free lunch."

"Well yours will be today."

"A penny saved is a penny earned."

"Let's grab that window alcove, and watch out, here comes the first of the surcharge service . . . a complimentary drink."

"Actions speak louder than words."

"Right. Here's to old friends together again."

"Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst."

"Pardon?"

"Keep your friends close and your enemies closer."

"What? What enemies. We're friends! Is something wrong?"

"All good things must come to an end."

"What? Why? What do you mean?"

"Familiarity breeds contempt."

"Well that's a nice how do you do. I thought we had a friendship."

"Honesty is the best policy."

"Oh really? After I offer to buy you lunch and bring you to a nice place."

"Two wrongs don't make a right."

"Yeah, Burt, you have a point there. You can forget the lunch and the friendship."

"Easy come, easy go."

"Fine. You can find your own way home too. I'll leave your bags in the lobby. Oh, and you can pick up the surcharge. Call it the fee for picking you up."

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

Harry got up then paused and smiled.

"You know, Burt, all you've done is spout adages all afternoon but this last one deserves a response. People who live in glass houses should not throw stones." He raised a hand, turned and left the restaurant.

Burt smirked as the server came to the table with the bill. When he looked at it he blanched and complained that she had only brought him a drink so far.

"You have a complaint you take it up with the manager." Before leaving she leaned down and whispered, don't bite the hand that feeds you."