Never Let Me Go

PSYCHO

CHAPTER ELEVEN

I always wondered about how police think while they do their jobs. They speak to people like they have felt their pain, crawl into their minds and just nod along like everything made sense. But they don't know, those two men that spoke to us today, they don't know what it feels like to lose their best friend in the world. How dare they yell at Liam, Liam had the full right to get frustrated. It's been a month, and now a month and two days since Niall's kidnapping and they still don't have the DNA samples yet.

They don't know how tiring it is to grieve.

Everyone cries around me, all I get everyday now is sympathetic smiles and saddened glances. There is no life in this band anymore and it's dragging us down, and it's definitely showing from the amount of fans that have come up to me and the boys hesitantly, like we were going to bite their heads off if they asked for a picture, which, we would never do, of course it gets hard, to smile in pictures all the time and act enthusiastic in front of fans so there wouldn't be any stupid articles on how horrible we are to them. There has been days where I just want to end this band for good, quit and just go home and hide in my room for the rest of me life, but then there's the days and nights where Harry crawls into my bed and just balls his eyes out into my shoulder, whispering "please come back." That's when I realize that if I leave, nothing good would come out of it, the boys would be torn, my life would just go lower and lower into depression and soon enough I'll be jumping off a bridge. I need to stay in this band, but-god-I'm just so tired of grieving and waiting, and I may sound stupid and psycho... But there's this thought itching at the back of my head, maybe me and the boys should just stop waiting and find him ourselves. But there is no evidence, it would he impossible.

Waiting and grieving is all that keeps us alive right now.

I have nothing else to say, other then that I want Niall to come back, to be found. Alive. To have my brothers back all together, to see the smiles back on their faces. I just want the good life back, the fun life. And that only happens when Niall's around.

I'm tired, I'm depressed, and I'm frustrated,

Zayn Malik.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zayn set his pencil into the crease of his journal, sighing loudly and shaking his head, wiping at his eyes furiously as the tears shed. He hated when he did that, showed how vulnerable he was, he couldn't show weakness in front of Louis, Liam and Harry... He was known to them as shy and antisocial, maybe part of that wasn't true, but they knew he needed space at mournful times like these... And showing his tears would just make them herd him. He doesn't want sympathy anymore, no sad looks, quivery voices and hesitant touches, he wants proud smiles and strong pats on the shoulder and back, he wants people to look at him like everything was going to be okay, that the future was just like they planned.

He rubbed his palms against his face, catching the heels of his hands against his bottom lip, tugging it as his hands fell to his sides, the tangy, dry feeling making him cringe as his lip flopped back in place. He probably looked like shit, bags under his eyes, oily skin and knotted hair... He wasn't any different to the rest of the boys, he probably was worse, but he knew one thing, and that one thing was that he was the only one who wouldn't let go, or give up. Letting go meaning throw his hands up in the air and except that fact that again-fucking again-they didn't get answers from the FBI. And giving up meaning, the boys aren't fighting to believe and find Niall, no, they are fighting to try and except. Getting ready for the day the FBI tell them Niall's case is locked up and forgotten in a dusty old box labeled "unsolved."

He won't-can't- let that happen. And he will try his best to drag his three mates arses out of the deep holes they've dug themselves in. He will break into the god damn crime scene if he has to. If that will give him answers to Niall's kidnapping, then so be it.