hot milk >> bullied by waterparks

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he broke up with me.

i actually can't handle it. why did i have to fall in love with my bully?

i knew it was gonna be awsten who broke dan and i up but i didn't know it would be like this!

i sigh and bury my face in my tøp bedspread. i don't even want to go to school. maggie is gonna be shocked and annoyed and awsten is gonna be mean to me like always. i just don't know how much more of this i can take. dan was one of the only things that kept me going, aside from tøp, obviously. and knowing that he dumped me really makes everything worse.

i need to stay alive.

i need to stay alive.

i need to stay alive.

but maybe i don't want to stay alive.

***

"he dumped you?!" maggie shrieks when i get to school. "what on earth happened to make him want to do that?"

i sigh. should i tell her the truth?

she deserves to know it.

"i'm pretty sure i'm in love with awsten." i mumble. she looks absolutely shocked.

"your bully? hanna, no! he's been so mean to you for so long, i'm not letting you give into it!"

i gulp. "i know it's not right but i just feel something for him that i've never felt before."

maggie face-palms. "even for you, hanna, that's seriously fucking insane. that's pathetic, you know that? dan loved you so much and treated you so well but you STILL fell for the guy who treats you like shit. you need help."

she storms off.

so much for having friends, i guess. i pull my picture of tyler and josh out of my pocket and sigh at it. i press my lips to tyler's minuscule printed out forehead. him and josh are the only people i have left.

"get to class you ugly bitch!" awsten screams from across the hallway. my face heats up at the sound of his voice and i ignore the words he used. at least he's talking to me.

"okay." i mumble, and he snorts at how stupid i sound. it's okay, i would laugh at me too.

as i walk into history class i break down into tears. i sit at the back of the room by myself because no one actually likes me anymore. i miss dan. i miss maggie. i miss so many things. and yet i can't stop thinking about the boy who created all my goddamn problems in the first place. my bully, my life ruiner, and yet, at the same time, quite possibly my soulmate.

the boy that i love despite the way he feels towards me.

life just isn't fair to me anymore. i'm gonna need a miracle to get through the next week without breaking down and giving up altogether. i don't see a purpose. he doesn't love me the way i love him. and my best friend thinks i'm insane for wanting him. hell, even i think i'm insane for wanting him. but i still do.

i'm really gonna need a miracle.

a/n: a little shorter and really sad :( poor hanna she deserves better

piper!!