sometimes, things are out of your control.
for instance, when someone becomes a fan of a band, you can't control the fact that that person finds an interest in that group if musicians.
another example; you can't help when you fall in love, it just happens. falling in love just barges into your life, with no fucking invitation(which is quite rude). love fucks everything up. and you can't control that.
but as there are things you can control, as well.
you can control the clothes you buy, or foods you eat, or how to style your hair.
granted, you can control pestering habits, like biting your nails, or picking at scabs, or drinking.
that is also saying you can control whether you start your habits. of course, after those things have been brought up, their very hard to ignore(nearly impossible it feels like). you, yourself, had the choice to not bite your nails in the beginning, to leave your scab alone, or to put the bottle down.
i, as well as everyone else, wish greatly that I can go back in time to where these little 'addictions'-may I call them-has all began. personally, I would kill to go back to the night where I chugged my mum's entire bottle of Skyy vodka, along with another 4 shots of Whiskey.
God I hate whiskey.
we all have reasons we start our addictions. maybe you started to bite your nails when you were nervous, you possibly picked at your scabs out of pure boredom, or drank because of the void in your heart.
I personally started drinking because I was sad. so incredibly sad, to the point where my body was numb from the whole physical "sadness" act, I had no tight grasp on my mind. I don't remember much from that night, other than having that day work its way to the title of "worst day of my whole fucking life", and then sitting on my bed for around 5 hours, just thinking.
thinking can be a dangerous thing.
thoughts are the enemy. thoughts could kill.
that night, around 02:30, I trudged to my basement bar, because I couldn't stand my thinking. they were driving me fucking insane.
the blades didn't even work that night.
the drinks aided me into a peaceful wonderland full of no thoughts in particular, mainly just "haha what the fuck, I hate everyone. I hate this world."
I think that when I'm sober, too, but when I'm drunk it just makes them so so so much better.
but hey, every addiction comes with a price, yeah?
