I WATCHED AS YOU STRUCK YOUR MATCH AND SET OUR FIELD OF PAPER FLOWERS ON FIRE WHILE I CRIED TEARS OF GASOLINE
"aria." calum stated, coming out of the bathroom again. but i knew he realized it too, i was the aria.
"oh my god calum." i sprinted into his open arms, the warmth of hus bare chest englufing me, leaving me feel safe. my best friend, i was in his arms again. i had been missing this so much, so fucking much.
"i can't believe we just fucked!" calum cackles. i join in our howls of happy laughter. having sex with calum may not of been as funny to you (i mean he's hot as fuck am i right ladies) but this was calum hood. aka asian 15 year old boy with a mullet and skinner legs than me and scrany knee caps. and i was aria waters aka 15 year old girl with bright colored yoga pants and cardigans with boobs smaller than the wanted's dicks. this situation was hilarious.
after our laughter died down, i was left with a silence to think about things in. i couldn't let these boys off the hook like that, they fucking left me for a year and a half. 18 months, and not a single word shared between any of us.
"so what the fuck, calum?"
"what?" he furrowed his eyebrows in fake confusion, i could see in his puppy-eyes the context of my question.
"a year and a half, cal.'' my tone was dead, it masked every emotion that was bottled inside of me, and there was a lot under my skin that i was holding in right now.
"look i see why you're mad and..-"
"no! calum! 18 months. we were suppose to be best friends! fuck that, huh? fuck all thise conversations between us at 04:00, right? fuck telling you everything i had ever thought! fuck trusting you with my life? fuck everything we had built calum!"
i was fuming with anger. after a months if feeling nothing at all, something insdie my stomach churned and my numbness quickly spiraled into a burning rage, and that anger was bubbling out of me. but i wasn't even started yet.
my small fists clutched at my sides began to shake, and i could see the pain built behind the wall of cold bitterness of the brown eyes i had missed. 18 months. (it had actually been exactly 18 months 11 days ago). 88 weeks. 558 days.
"i had to aria! we had to!'' his cheeks were reddining, his neck veins becoming more prominent.
"why's that?! what was so important to leave your best friend in the cold for-
"558 days."
"558 days."
i said the last two words at the exact same time calum did. i unclenched my fists, and i allowed my lips to turn downwards in a frown.
"the boys, we didn't want to hurt you." a tear slipped from his eye. "we did this to protect you."
"what was there to possibly to protect me from?" the crack in my voice allowd calum to see right through my mask, i was just as torn as he was about this. or vise versa.
"y-you couldn't tour the world, aria. not after, you know, all that had happened. you weren't mentally there." 558 days. 558 days. 558 days.
"you cut off all contact! you, you left me!" i couldn't swallow the lump in my throat anymore. "i needed you and you weren't there!" i continued to cry, my tiny hands banging on his rock hard chest in weak attempts to push him arms off me. "he said he loved me, calum! and than he turned around, and he just fucking left! he left like i meant nothing to him, just a loose thread on his sweater. how could he do that?'' my sobbing grew louder each word i spoke, and the less i coud breathe.
"i'm so sorry aria, i'm so sorry." calum began to weep along with me, repeating his apologies over and over. "i missed my best friend, i missed you so much aria. to the point where i would isolate myself in my hotel rooms and play the bass so hard unti my fingers bled, and then i would just there and cry, because fuck, i had fucked over my best friend, i had broke all our promises."
i dared to meet his gaze, and the sight of his eyes broke me.
he was being honest. he was being honest. he literally missed me. one of the people i need most in this world missed me. and that made me feel superior, even though i could never admit it to myself.
"l-luke got to bring aleisha! he got his fucking girlfriend, didn't even out up a fight with management when they said you coudln't come. i had to watch for 558 days, i had to watch the love of my life kiss another, and it hurt so fucking much, and i coudln't even tell my best friend because i was forced to change my numbers. was forced off all contact with you, management said something 'bout a distraction. but i don't see you as a distraction. i saw you as motivation. oh god i missed you so much." he cupped my cheeks and kissed all over my face.
"you didn't even try. none of you did." as much as i wanted to forgive them, how could i? i gave them my trust and they shattered it.
"trust me, for the first ten days, luke didn't even talk to aleisha, and mikey, oh god mikey. mikey didn;t get out of bed unless it was for shows, he didn't talk to anyone. at concerts, he would play the guitar, sing, and go back to our bus, and stay in his room util th next show. i coudln't eat, couldn't sleep without our best friend cuddles. ashton-" i cringed at the mention of his name. "he went out everynight. even though he didn't show it, he was hurting so much."
i took a few moments to let this sink in.
"oh cal, i missed you." i smiled a little with a sniffle, and kissed my best friend's cheek. "how could i say no to those cheeks."
"aria, you have really nice boobs."
a/n i wrote the peom at the top is it tht bad omg
it's 3:40 am and i'm sitting on a swing in a park alone this is probably going to end up with me dying i feel it
and calum hood dyed his hair so i wouldn't mind being flung into oncoming traffic because damn dat ass
i'm trash bye
