luke was telling me a story about his mum when i saw michael for the first time in a year.
his hair was green (pretend it is still bc basing off this on actual tour dates), and he was so much taller.
he wore a blue, black and white flannel with black jeans and all-black hightop converse. he looked good ;)
"aria!"
"michael!" i sprinted into his open arms, and we were both laughing hysterically. "michael! you little bastard!"
"shut up, you look great though. love the no-colour, black is your thing." he grinned.
"you too, buddy."
"where's ashton?" luke asks. ashton. i forgot he existed for a second.
"he ran off, he'll be back."
all i could do was look into the green-haired boy's eyes, and think with a slight smile displayed by my lips.
you don't realise you miss someone until they're gone. you don't notice they're routines slowly slipping from yours, you don't think about the text messages they sent every morning until they stop.
and it may have taken me 554 days, but i finally realised how much i took these boy's friendships for granted. even ashton's.
given a quick glance at my current situation, you would think i had daddy issues and wanted to rebel. or maybe you would think i was heartbroken. or in-love.
and you would move on from the drunk bogan sitting on the corner of the street, crying out in english words with black mascara stained cheeks and smudged pink lipstick.
and what i'm trying to say is i wouldn't be in that position without these boys. i wouldn't be heart-broken and alone, i wouldn't want to die.
but i also wouldn't be alive.
and it's a complicated situation to be in, for a simple by-stander watching to scene of old friends reunite, and it's also very difficult with a character that plays a more important role in the story. and i was confused on how to feel, deep down i know i should despise these lads. but i missed them so fucking much, i was willing to forgive them.
"what?" michael smirks, with a slightly confused look on his face.
i took a quick look at calum and luke, the two just smiled at me.
"i just missed you guys so much." i breathed and slammed into his arms again.
"look, ashton is back!" calum exclaimed.
and suddenly the slight smile wiped off my face and i forgot how to move. everything was going great, and then he started to walk over, and i was all panic. i don't remeber how to breathe. i look like an idiot! i haven't seen him in over a year and now i'm all frozen and look like an idiot. he'll never want me back. fuck.
i felt like crying. i heard footsteps approaching, but i stared at the ground. i couldn't look at him, not yet.
the name rang through my head countless of times a day, and yet it still seemed foreign. ashton.
ashton. ashton irwin.
i wasn't good enough to even think his name.
his name was spoken thousands of times a day, from girls who are "in-love" with 5sos. shit, i could walk down the street and hear people talk about him. they were aloud to say his name, to think his name. but i wasn't fucking good enough.
and i knew i wasn'y good enough when he walzted right past me, not looking at me once. his shouldr even brushed against mine, and he didn't apologise. he didn't even look back at me.
and in those 30 seconds i saw him, i knew that he wasn't the teenage boy i fell in-love with. he no longer wore big-framed nerd glasses, and crimson coloured pants rolled at the ankles. he didn't straighten his hair anymore, he didn't giggle at the floor pattern. he wore all black, and didn't even comb his hair. he now forced himself to keep the corners of his mouth in a straight line. the only time his smile was worn was when he was faking one to keep his fans happy. the deep dimples that you could swim in barely existed, they were replaced with a cold hard glare, burdened with hatred. ad i could see the dust pile in the corner of the room bothering him, his nose twitched when he looked at it. but he pretended it didn't affect him.
and even i knew deep down, he imprisioned his past self,locked behind bars pushed far away in the back of his mind. and it pounded and pounded on the cell walls, it shook the bars, screamed for hours and hours, but somehow ashton managed to hold his ground. he pretended to forget who he was.
he was famous.
if you were to type the hastag "ashtonirwin" in yyour instagram search bar, 6,975,950 posts would pop up within seconds. he no longer remained barricaded by the laws of society.
ashon was an excuse
and i wasn't good enough.
two days in a row can i get a holla
so its' 10am but whatevs i wrote this last night and forgot to publish it
can you guys pleaseeeeeeeee leave feedback? it would literally make me day:)
i'm trash adios
