Chapter 17: New Years

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There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable." - Mark Twain

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"Thank you for today." Camila was behind the wheel of her car as she drove them back to her apartment. "You were great with my parents."

"No problem. I figured I owed you." Lauren had her hand outstretched, her fingertips touching the passenger window while she looked out, noting how the glistening snow mimicked the twinkle of the stars in the black winter night. She was thinking about her dad, wondering what he was doing on the other side of the country. Was he home? Was he alone?

"Your parents are really great. It seems like you have a good relationship," Lauren commented pensively, and then looked over to Camila, whose profile showed dimly in the lights of the car's dashboard.

Camila nodded, "We do, yeah. Even with my dad being gone a lot, we worked hard to talk all the time. It carried over into my adulthood, I guess."

"You're lucky."

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"What do you mean you're quitting school?" he thundered, rising from the kitchen table. "You have a scholarship at Stanford for chrissake!"

Lauren closed her eyes. She'd gone over this conversation a million times in her head on her drive to Sacramento. "Dad, this is what I want to do. Carrie and I want the band to be our focus. We really think we can make it. We're good, Dad."

"You're children," he spat. "Get a degree, Lauren. Then go chase this dream on the weekends while you can pay your bills with a real job!"

"Carrie thinks-"

"Lauren, don't do this for a girl you met in college. Things change. Feelings change."

Lauren stood up, stubbornly thrusting her shoulders back and facing him down, "Mine won't."

"Oh yeah? What about her feelings then? Don't you dare come home with your tail between your legs when it doesn't happen the way you think."

He was wrong. Everything always worked out. This whole thing had been a series of serendipitous events. She knew she was making the right choice. She was lucky that way.

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Lauren looked back out into the darkness beyond the headlights before closing her eyes against the pain of the memory.

They rode in silence for a few minutes, Camila somehow understanding that Lauren was thinking about her dad after the overload of her own family. Lauren was gracious today- so sharply juxtaposed to her behavior last night. God! Lauren had been especially cruel before she left the club to go- somewhere, and even though Camila promised herself she wouldn't ask, fought herself to keep quiet, her question escaped anyway. "Where were you last night?"

"Around," Lauren said cryptically. In actuality, she had spent the night in a hotel because she didn't trust herself to be alone with Camila while she was intoxicated, especially now that she knew what it felt like to taste her lips, to touch intimately, to hear her moan. Jesus, stop thinking about it already.

Camila desperately wanted to know if Lauren had been alone, but she wouldn't dig because she was also desperately afraid of the answer. She was wading in very deep water where Lauren was concerned, and the undertow was threatening to pull her underwater at the slightest misstep.

The next morning, Camila sat next to Lauren on the couch and gently shook her awake. When Lauren's sleepy green eyes opened full of childlike confusion, Camila had a strong urge to lean down to kiss her and climb under the blanket to feel her body and her warmth. Instead, she said lowly, "Hey, I need to go to the office while I'm here in town. I'll catch a ride with Dinah and leave you the keys to my car in case you wanna go somewhere. Call me if you need anything, okay?"

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