「 lukewarm | yang hongseok 」

[ s i x ]

06 | violet

Hongseok and Juhyung sat on the sofa, watching an old episode of We Bare Bears with two cups of apple juice next to each other on the coffee table and a big bowl of popcorn next to the father and son. The small boy leaned his head against his dad as he mindlessly stuffed his face with the buttery, empty calories which made Hongseok laugh quietly. It was peaceful times like this where the man felt truly happy to spend his time with his family, seeing as that Juhyung was growing up much faster than he expected and with work consuming up most of his time now meant that he wasn't able to be with his son as much as he would like.

"Daddy, do you love me?", Juhyung suddenly asked, calling Hongseok's interest immediately.
"What are you talking about? Of course I love you", he replied instantly, bringing his son closer to him.

"Then why did mommy leave? Does she not love me?"

Hongseok met Juhyung's eyes, glossy in the television's colors. It seemed as though he was terrified and completely scared, he was afraid of losing him. He felt his heart breaking at the sight of the fearful boy, his lips parting at the sight of him. Turning down the volume of the television, Hongseok sat him on his lap and hugged him tightly, pressing his hand against Juhynug's cheek as he looked at his son. He felt tears prick his eyes, his throat becoming clogged as he tried to stop himself from crying.

"Juhyung, of course she...she...", the man trailed off, not knowing what to tell the innocent mind. He can't say, "Mom left because she grew tired of us and I don't know if she loves you" - it was too harsh for such a young soul to know. He didn't want his son to know the true reason why she left and how she thought that he was a mistake, about how she wanted to get rid of him.

Hongseok didn't want him to know about the real world, about the pains and the heartache he went through when his mom left him. About how she packed up and left without a goodbye. He didn't want to tell him a complete lie and say that "oh, she loves you and she left because of work" because he knew that Juhyung would be smart enough to know that he's lying, but he didn't want to tell him the truth either.

Even with just one thought of Aerum, he wanted to break.

"...I-I don't want to tell you, Juhyunggie, is that okay?", Hongseok asked in a weak voice, the tears forming in his eyes threatening to fall down. "I'm sorry, b-but just know that I love you, alright?"

At that moment, he felt like the worst dad out there - he couldn't do anything at all. Was he not a good enough father? Was he bad at raising his child? Was he an awful dad? All of those thoughts made his heart break even more, thinking that he might be the reason why Juhyung could be hurting and suffering.

Juhyung stared at his father with his soft, doe eyes before wrapping his arms around his dad's neck and hugged him tightly. A tear slipped Hongseok's eye as he hugged him back, his chin resting on his son's shoulder.

You're such an awful father. You're weak - Junhyung shouldn't see you cry. You can't do anything right-

"I love you too, daddy"

With that, more and more tears rolled down Hongseok's tan cheeks, freezing in place at the words Juhyung whispered. He brought him closer to his body as he pressed his forehead against the small boy's shoulder. Although he felt useless and helpless at that moment, Juhyung's words made him feel over the moon.

Juhyung pulled away and squished his dad's puffy cheeks in between his hands, pressing his lips against his red nose and narrowed his eyes at him. "Don't cry anymore because daddy looks like an ugly fish when he cries"

Hongseok chuckled weakly as he looked at Juhyung, smiling softly as he wiped away his tears. "Alright, daddy won't cry anymore", he whispered before pampering him with kisses, causing the boy to squirm around in his grasp.