Convicted

Chapter 18

What is normal? Thing is, Connie really didn't know anymore. Normal was no longer something that just happened. Normal life was a blessing, and it had been taken for granted for far too long.

In the week after the revelation, it had taken a while to get used to things. Jacob had been fined for perverting the course of justice, although he couldn't be imprisoned as he hadn't tampered with any evidence, or coerced officers in any way. Also, he hadn't been under oath when he objected in the court and made his confession, and so nothing could really be held against him for that. He was fined £2000, which was able to be paid off quite easily with Connie's input, and they had officially gotten themselves away from the case. Connie had been quiet in the days following, and Grace had hardly spoken either, but once the two of them began to speak to each other, conversation was slowly beginning to become easier.

Connie felt as though she'd been unable to cry these last few days. Her heart broke for Sam and she blamed herself for not being there for him, but Jacob kept reminding her that it wasn't her fault, and that there was probably nothing she could have done to change his mind.

"I just thought he was always so arrogant," Connie said one night, as she curled into Jacob on the couch. "I should have realised that it was a cry for help."

"Connie, nobody could have spotted that," he whispered, combing his hands softly through her hair.

"I just don't understand why," she replied. "He'd just got married, he had a job he enjoyed doing. Why did he want to take that all away?"

"You said he wasn't happy with Emma," Jacob reasoned. "He was struggling with married life, and you know the pressures of being a surgeon. It's one of the jobs with the highest suicide rates Con, maybe he's seen one too many people die in front of him."

"So have I," Connie whispered, the tear forming in her eye as she realised she was completely frozen in position. "I've seen Sam die right in front of me and I don't know if I'll ever see my job in the same way again."

"It's always harder when it's someone you know, but you're a brilliant doctor Con and Sam wouldn't want you to lose that."

"Doctors are supposed to make people better and I didn't even realise he was ill. What's the point Jacob?" Connie forced herself to look up to Jacob, her eyes empty as if she felt nothing in her heart. It was almost as if the happy feelings she felt at finally being with Jacob were completely cancelled out by her distraught at losing Sam, leaving her feeling nothing at all.
       "Why am I here?"

"You're here because people need you here Connie," Jacob said softly, a little worried as he realised he'd never seen Connie quite like this before. "And I promise that it will take some time, but we will get past this together. So don't go blaming yourself. There's nothing you could have done and I can't bear to see you tearing yourself apart. You're a fantastic doctor and you were a good friend to Sam, and I love you too much to let you blame yourself for this."

No matter how sad she was or how traumatised she felt, Connie couldn't deny that the feeling of being able to be in Jacob's arms again was heavenly and that realisation was what caused the tears to begin slowly rolling down her cheeks.

"I'm sorry," she sobbed, but Jacob had no idea what she was apologising for as she curled herself into his body and buried her face into his chest.

"It's okay sweetheart, shh," he whispered as he rubbed her back softly with his fingertips. "It's okay."

"Don't leave me again," she whispered as she hugged him tighter, his characteristic smell invading her nose just like it always had before. That brought her great comfort as she felt herself calm down a little, allowing her eyes to slowly stop crying as she took a few deep breaths and regained her composure.
        "I've hated these last few months without you," she admitted quietly.