After The Reichenbach Fall

CHAPTER 26

Everybody were now on their designated seats and already fully belly.

All of you looked at the front when Master of Ceremonies taps a spoon against a champagne glass to get everyone's attention. "Pray silence for the best man." The guests applaud and cheer as Sherlock rises to his feet at the top table. John and Mary are sitting to his right; Janine to his left.

Sherlock buttons his jacket, looking a little uncomfortable. "Ladies and gentlemen, family and friends ... and ... erm ... others." He awkwardly pause and blinks, "Er ... w... A-a-also ..."

You can't bare to look at his awkwardness anymore, "Telegrams." You said. Mary and John looks at you whilst Sherlock jolts out of his blankness.

"Right, um ..." Sherlock pats his pockets, then seems to realise that the telegrams are in a pile in front of him. John clears his throat, Sherlock does likewise and looks at the guests, swallowing hard. "First things first. Telegrams." He picks up the cards and shows them to the crowd. "Well, they’re not actually telegrams. We just call them telegrams. I don’t know why. Wedding tradition." He said, then he lifts the first card. "... because we don’t have enough of that already, apparently." He added sarcastically, you laugh and John narrows his eyes a little.

Sherlock lift the first card and reads it, "To Mr and Mrs Watson. So sorry I’m unable to be with you on your special day. Good luck and best wishes, Mike Stamford."

Mary and John nodded and Sherlock reads the second card,

"To John and Mary. All good wishes for your special day. With love and many big ..." he breaks off as he reads it, then continues slowly "... big squishy cuddles, from Stella and Ted." He looks up, blinking rapidly. You can't help but laugh in his state, he really looked uncomfortable.

"Mary – lots of love, ..." He breathes out an almost silent ‘Oh.’ John and Mary look up at him. Sherlock continue disparagingly,  "... poppet ..." He loudly sounds the ‘t’ at the end of the word. "... Oodles of love and heaps of good wishes from CAM." You saw Mary’s smile fades as Sherlock continues reading the message. "Wish your family could have seen this." John looks round and sees Mary’s face. He reaches out and takes her hand. She smiles reassuringly at him.

"Um, “special day” ..." Sherlock drops the card onto the table and looks at the next one, "very special day ..." he drops that one, then continues working rapidly through the next ones, "... “love” ... “love” ... “love” ... “love” ... bit of a theme – you get the general gist. People are basically fond." He said and gain some laughter from the guests.

"John Watson." He gestures towards John. "My friend, John Watson." He looks down for a moment, then looks at John. "John." John smiles at him and Sherlock turns to his audience again. "When John first broached the subject of being best man, I was confused. I confess at first I didn’t realise he was asking me. When finally I understood, I expressed to him that I was both flattered and ... surprised."

Surprised? That's not what John said to me!

"I explained to him that I’d never expected this request and I was a little daunted in the face of it. I nonetheless promised that I would do my very best to accomplish a task which was – for me – as demanding and difficult as any I had ever contemplated. Additionally, I thanked him for the trust he’d placed in me ..." You looked at John who's frowning as if unable to remember this conversation. "... and indicated that I was, in some ways, very close to being ... moved by it. It later transpired that I had said none of this out loud." Sherlock finished.

You and John with sime of the guests laugh. Then, Sherlock reaches into his jacket pocket, clearing his throat, and takes out a handful of cue cards, looking at each one and putting it onto the table as he talks to himself. "Done that. ... Done that ... Done that bit ... Done that bit ... Done that bit ... Hmm ..." He looks up at the guests again, then turns to John. "I’m afraid, John, I can’t congratulate you." Mary looks surprised and John looks up at him. You narrow at Sherlock who is looking at the guests, "All emotions, and in particular love, stand opposed to the pure, cold reason I hold above all things. A wedding is, in my considered opinion, nothing short of a celebration of all that is false and specious and irrational and sentimental in this ailing and morally compromised world." The guests begin to look uncomfortable and some of them start murmuring quietly to each other, but you.. you're grinning.

"Today we honour the death-watch beetle that is the doom of our society and, in time – one feels certain – our entire species." The guests stare at him. Sherlock pauses for a moment and looks at you, you gave him a reassuring smile and nod, he smiled back and continued, "But anyway ..." he looks down at his cards "... let’s talk about John. If I burden myself with a little help-mate during my adventures, it is not out of sentiment or caprice – it is that he has many fine qualities of his own that he has overlooked in his obsession with me." You and Greg laughs silently. "Indeed, any reputation I have for mental acuity and sharpness comes, in truth, from the extraordinary contrast John so selflessly provides." John sighs heavily, while Mary frowns. "It is a fact, I believe, that brides tend to favour exceptionally plain bridesmaids for their big day. There is a certain analogy there, I feel." Janine stares up at him and the other two bridesmaids look uncomfortable. "... and contrast is, after all, God’s own plan to enhance the beauty of his creation... or it would be if God were not a ludicrous fantasy designed to provide a career opportunity for the family idiot." Mary face-palms and John is half-hiding behind his clasped hands. The vicar looks at Sherlock grimly, and more guests are muttering amongst themselves.

"Yes, Sherlock is right." You agreed with him, and the other guests looked at you. "Not good?" You asked Lestrade.

"Not good." He said, you stare at him for awhile before continuing on listening to Sherlock.