Summary: When scientific knowledge is hidden away, so only the gospel of God remains, one young man's curiosity drives him to find the truth.
Worked for me: I liked the narrative thread you weave through the piece, with Jonathan focused on his question, and refusing to accept the first answer given. I like how you use this quest to reveal the world to us, instead of outright explaining how things are different here. An excellent use of show, don't tell.
Needs work: The piece is littered with grammatical errors that made comprehension difficult at times. In addition, awkward phrasing and diction took me right out of the story. I think you need to take some time to go over fundamentals, and especially concepts like the difference between connotation and denotation. Once you have a solid foundation, your work can begin to shine.
Overall: 5/10 A first effort that needs a close edit to ensure your meaning is clearly conveyed.
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