The Higher Define (2018)

19

The room of subconscious. Where we can be in the same room as others but in different worlds.

I find myself dipping my toes along the treated water that grows into an ocean, watching as the swash rush up against my skin before darting backwards, the wavy line receding.

Spencer is situated beside me, digging into the soft, rich sand that turns his fingers gold for a few seconds before they sift away from his clutches.

For now, Professional Hide and Seek is over. Like yesterday, one person from the group is gone and I'm not quite sure what to make of it. Maybe it's just me but the way I see it, it feels like the new Higher Defines are being eliminated. I shake that thought out of my mind and lean back, throwing my arms against the blanket of golden grains.

"Why did you stand up for me?" I ask Spencer as he reels back to position his back against the sand.

Spencer shrugs, his brows pulling together as he answers, "Anybody would have defend you. He was spreading all those horrible rumours and I figured that he had to be stopped."

I run my tongue across my teeth, not quite satisfied with hid answer.

"I know that anybody would have done that. But I left you uncomfortable last night. I hurt you, Spencer. You still stood up for me."

His eyes turn ink black as I bring up last night's incident but other than that, his facial expression doesn't reveal any other emotion.

"It's not a big deal." Spencer finally says, his tone ringing with a note of finality. When I try to meet his gaze, he turns away quickly to avoid my restful stare. He doesn't want to talk about it and he won't tell me anything so I just give up on forcing him to talk.

Maybe what happened last night ruined my chances of ever getting him to tell me his truth.

I change the subject.

"What do you think Friday meant when he brought Terry up?"

At this, Spencer meets my eyes.

"I don't know, Aspen. This morning before you came to breakfast, he said that Terry was transferred to a special branch. Told us all that Terry decided that he couldn't keep up with what the Higher Defines wanted out of him."

Confusion.

It clouds my brain as I struggle to link what Spencer just told me to what Richard said this morning.

"That's impossible. Richard said that Terry died last night, just after I left the pool. That's why he called me to his office." The line that my fingers have been drawing along the sand turns wobbly, the straight path broken.

There is silence as Spencer absorbs this piece of news. His face turns deathy pale.

"Do you think Friday killed Terry?"

My lungs feel hollow at what Spencer says. I try to persuade myself that it isn't possible, that there are many other ways that Terry could have died but my brain keeps replaying the words Friday said to me and the more I hear them, the more I take faith in this idea.

Still, a mirthless laugh is choked from my lungs.

"Don't be ridiculous."

Spencer looks at me seriously and it's almost like there's something I can't trust myself to face on his features because I struggle to meet his stare.

"I'm serious. Think about what Friday said to you."

"It could mean two things. He could be referring to me struggling to keep up."

"Come on- you're Aspen Heights. Has there ever been anything that you failed to achieve?"

His question forces me to battle against the evidence. Maybe hs is right. Maybe Friday killed Terry and maybe his threat isn't entirely empty.

I hate this idea. I hate that it can even be considered an idea. But I recall the way his wicked smiles grow cold whenever someone fails to do something right or struggles to meet the requirement set.

How Terry got caught and died that very same night. How only someone clever could have looped the feed. The way his threat rang out.

Suddenly, I don't want to be here, anymore. Not with all the Higher Defines, even if it means an opportunity to do what I have always desired to do. Not where Friday is, with his dangerous mind games and lies about how I willingly slept with him. I have already seen the looks shot at me from those who have heard Friday's stories.

They look disgusted. They look betrayed by the idea that someone like me would have thrown myself at Friday.

"I don't want to be here." I say aloud. Spencer turns to me in alarm, his eyes growing round as he detects my words.

"No," He says quickly, his tone hurried and his voice frantic, "This is exactly what Friday wanted. You can't let him have this."

My mouth goes dry and it feels like there is something clawing at my chest, begging for a drop of water.

"This is only the second day. It should have been perfect- I should have been adored and loved. But I'm being forced into a position where people can't look at me without bringing up gossip."

I can't stand to look at Spencer anymore. He looks to hurt, even though this shouldn't affect him so much. Especially after what I did to him, after my lie.

"You have to fight this, Aspen," He says in a low tone but his voice is so full of sadness that I can hear every single word he says, "It's no secret that you're the best. They're just going to keep trying to bring you down and you can't let that happen."

He pauses just before forcing amusement into his words, "And if you aren't here, then who's going to be the one to take up your position as the most flawless code?"

I answer with a chuckle but I can still feel the emotions from before swirling inside me, threatening to tear me apart.

It shouldn't be like this at all.

I came here, expecting all my dreams to come true. But what I got was the begining of what was turning out to be a nightmare.