Crystal

Chapter 15: Charlottes Web

             It’s been a few days since the girls were found. Their photo is still embedded in my mind, even when I’m doing random things, like dishes, walking to my car, or going to work.  It’s something I don’t think about, I just see it. I haven’t really been thinking about much lately now that I mention it. I’ve been trying my hardest to remember those days I’ve been sick, still no progress on that. On the plus side there have been no nightmares really. Just sleep, eat, work, and the process repeats itself.  On the downside, the process has been repeating itself…and I can’t help it.

            I can’t explain it. It just has been happening since I woke up from being sick. I’d want to go for a run, but I just can’t. I’d come home from work and just lay on the couch. I’m tired all the time. I’m lazy all the time. Eventually, my mind kind of gives up and I go with the flow. That’s all that has been happening. I’ve been going with the flow. It happened slowly after I had seen the news, but I think it might have been happening before that. It was as if my body was slowly draining itself, and I was starting to just lose control over myself. But I was still moving.

            My phone is dead. But before it died, it was countless missed calls from my mother and Rob. Rob, I haven’t really seen much of him. He’d watch a movie with me and sleep with me, but no sex. I just have been sleeping.  I am actually a little surprised he hasn’t said anything. Unless he has and I just haven’t noticed. At this point I wouldn’t even be surprised.

            Maybe I went crazy; this whole thing drove me to lose all control I have of myself. This is probably what it’s like to go insane. You give up, lose all hope. You stop trying to live, because that’s pretty much how I feel right now. I want to go outside and smoke, but I just don’t even have that energy to get up and do it. I want to have coffee and watch TV but I can’t even do that. I sit down, and I just look off into space warily.

            I have work today. I make my way slowly to the bathroom and look at my reflection. It looks normal. No extra dark circles, no tired eyes. I look absolutely fine. As if nothing is going on with me. I look away and wash up. When I finished I leave and change into my work gear and head out.

           

At work I finished a morning class and then stood by the front register. It was a small studio that had no receptionist so whoever was there stood by the front when a class wasn’t running to answer phones and such. It was a slow day, which is normal, considering this wasn’t much of an active town.  I was staring at a flyer on the desk that had a bunch of promotion specials going on. If this was back at my old city, this place would have been crazy busy with all these deals. If I was back at home, I would be excited to deal with all the new customers. I would have helped set a bunch of new classes up. I must have spaced out so deep because my boss entering the front and dropping her bag on the floor made me jump.

“Busy day huh?” she asked as she made her way behind the desk to grab a book containing the days schedule and bookings. She reminded me of myself. We almost even looked the same except she was taller and her body was thinner. But the crazy curly hair was all over the place like mine and her energy for yoga is the same as I feel. Or at least did. She would have loved my old studio. She would have fit in perfect. Wonder what she was doing here.

“Crystal whats going on? You’ve been out of it for a few days. Are you still sick?” she was talking as she was writing notes in her clipboard.

“I’m fine… I’m um, I’m fine.” I mumbled still staring at the flyer on the desk. I stared so hard at it, memorizing its words. The writing was in bold font and the colors of the words were baby blue on a white sheet. It read “How much do you need to escape into a soothing moment of relaxation?” I traced the words with my eyes over and over again until I found myself nodding and mumbling again “I’m fine.” It was then that my boss put her hand over the flyer and I looked up at her.