No More Second Chances

Chapter 1

I couldn't beleive it. Part of me thought it was over, but the other part of me told me to not give up. But I didn't know what to do. The chances of meeting them were slim, and I had just blown it for myself. Wait though- let me tell you about myself, and how I got to this moment, where I had just blown possibly my only chance of meeting my idols, One Direction.

I beleive that life only gives you one chance at certain things, and you have to be careful not to blow it, because second chances are really rare and special. But that's just what I think. My name is Amber. I have red hair and chocolate brown eyes. I'm 15, and a typical teenager, who loves one direction. My room is covered in their posters, I have all their songs, and I talk about them non stop. But what nobody knows is how important they really are to me. People say this is just a crazy teenage obsession and that I will forget them within a few years, but I never will. I let them think what they want though, because I am not willing to tell them the real reason why I will always remember them. They saved me. If it were not for them, I wouldn't be alive.

My friends aren't the nicest- some days they will be really fun to hang out with, others they will make me want to scream and cry. On top of all that is so much stress from homework, but really its mostly my friends. On the bus every morning I end up sitting by myself, so I listen to One direction music, usually slow songs like moments or i wish. Those are my favorites. It lets me dream of being with them, and I allow my mind to play tricks on me, convincing myself that if I knew them they would actually like me and care about me. But anyways.

One day, I came home from school. I had tons of really hard homework, and the one friend that actually cared about me, Rosie, was gone so she wouldn't be able to help me with geometry. I was really bad at math, and without her I probably would have failed by now.  My dad is usually at work till at least after 8, and my mom had to leave for a few hours to go on a bunch of errands. My friends had been so horrible that day, and I just couldn't take it anymore. I went to the kitchen and got a knife. I don't know whats wrong with me, but i've always kind of wondered what it was like to be stabbed. I figured if I was going to kill myself, I might as well stab myself so i would at least know what it was like. Maybe i'm weird for thinking that, but whatever.

I took out my ipod, taking a moment to look at the One direction picture on the cover. It was a picture of them performing and they were wearing each other's clothes. A slight smile appeared on my face. A tear slid from my eye, realizing this would be the last time I ever saw their faces. I wanted them to be the last thing i heard before I went, so i decided to listen to Torn. It wasn't my most favorite song, but I still loved it, and I wanted it to be the last thing I listened to because of all the amazing memories behind it. Not knowing how soon I would die after I stabbed myself, I decided to listen to the song once first, so I could at least listen to it once through. Then I would play it again, so I could go out hearing their voices.

I pushed play, and immediatly began to cry. All the memories flooded back to me as i listened. The video diaries, the concerts, the silly tweets inbetween. Then I thought about my life. How I had lost some friends because I talked about them too much, but how it was worth it because those people never really cared for me anyways. Before I knew it the song was half over. I listened carefully to the words.

"nothing's fine i'm torn, Im all outta faith, and this is how I feel. Im cold and I am shamed, lying broken on the floor. Illusion never changed, into something real, Im wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn. Youre a little late, Im already torn, Im already torn, Oh torn."

By then I was practically in hysterics crying. The knife dropped out of my hand. I couldn't do it. I lied their on the kitchen floor for what fealt like hours, sobbing and listening to that song on repeat. I don't know what about it stopped me, why I didn't do it, and I really can't describe how I fealt. But I knew i was alive because of them. I knew that if I hadn't listened to that song, I probably wouldn't be here.

From then on, I really didn't care about what was going on at school. If my friends were being jerks, I would just think of One direction. And it always worked. They got me through everything. And thats why i will never forget them. 

Oh yeah, but there's one more thing about me you need to know. I have a really bad attitude. I don't mean im like super pessimistic, Im actually a pretty positive person. I mean I am constantly talking back to people, my family especially. Im still really close to them, but we get in a lot of fights, especially me and my mom, and the fights usually start due to something about my attitude, like how i react rudely to something she said. I don't like always fighting, but I never really cared about it that much. Until today. Because one of those fights is the reason that I missed my chance at meeting One Direction. And like I said, second chances are really rare.