After that intense pole dancing lessons I took for days (with Agent Q, he’s also doing that thing for his current mission), at ang madugo-dugong pagpapa-practice ng tagalog curse words courtesy of my bro Agent D and after memorizing my character profile so well that I had internalized in the character I will portray, finally, ready na ako to go with this audition process as Xavier.
Audition to become a stripper. Bow.
Magkatabi kami ng pinsan kong si Angel sa loob ng taxi (she ditched the limo para mas madali sa kanya ang i-drop off ako sa location ng mission) and just like her old control freak self, pinapakialaman na naman niya ang mga dala kong gamit AKA props for my daily life as Xavier the soon-to-be stripper.
Her hands dived inside my backpack like a meticulous agent searching for explosives or some gun or whatever shits she can find. Damn.
“You bring a gun?! What are you even thinking Yandao?!”
Masakit sa tenga ang kanyang sigaw. Napatingin sa amin ang driver with a puzzled look on his face habang patuloy pa rin sa pagbulatlat ng bag ko ang aking mahal na couzy.
“You are not getting him killed, right? Right?!” Obviously referring to her Raymond the nth.
“Fuck it, Jel. This is not even a real gun,” sagot ko.
Tumaas ang kilay niya. “Then what the holy bitch is this?!”
I sighed and scratched my now black hair. Nakakamiss ang usual colored kong buhok. “It’s an airbrush spray gun. To retouch my fake tan.”
Recently, I went to a high class beauty salon and got a session on a tanning bed. Yup ladies and gents, pinaitim ko po ang sarili ko. But only a shade darker than my usual apple white complexion coz I don’t want to go further and looked like a Korean Oompa Loompa. So I still need to retouch my whole body using this handy airbrush spray gun. Shitty work, I know.
And besides, kung magdadala man ako ng totoong baril ay hindi ko naman basta-basta na lang ikakalat iyon sa loob ng bag ko. In fact, I have one today. At hindi makikita ni Angel iyon dahil it is strapped on my thigh.
Patuloy pa ring ininspect ni Angel ang laman ng backpack ko. Ilang damit (which includes some stripper’s costume for fuck’s sake) at ilang toiletries na pampapogi. Fake cheap cellphone. Biodata for the audition process. Wallet na onti lang ang lamang pera. Fake ID. CD for my auditon process. UV blacklight. Copy ng character profile (in case I miss some very important details about my role). Bible (I’m an atheist FYI). Soda crackers. Fifty Shades of Grey book (galing kay W). Wireless mobile wi-fi. Stun gun. Tear gas. Loads of bubble gum. A pack of cheap cigarettes.
“Definitely I’m going to take this two,” sabi niya sa mga defense gadgets ko. “Stun gun, really huh?” mataray niyang hirit sa akin. “May airbrush spray gun ka pero may stun gun ka rin... how nice of you little bastard!”
Napa-duckface na lang ako. “Couzy naman e...”
“Shut up Yan.”
“Whatever. Sisipain ko na lang siya I guess. Capoeira style,” tugon ko sa kanyang nakangiti nang nakakaloko.
Pero seriously, kailangan ko naman talaga ang stun gun at tear gas na iyon. Just in case the enemies appear for no apparent reasons. They know me as Agent Yellow so I have to be prepared as well. Oh man, you can never tell.
“Yan, so what’s your audition piece?” tanong ng couzy ko as she slipped the stun gun and tear gas on her purse.”
Ngumiti ako. Phony smile as usual. “Soulja Boy.”
BINABASA MO ANG
Let's Pretend
Teen FictionAgent Yellow is back on action. This time, on a double mission which involves his expertise: disguise and roleplaying. After accepting his cousin's request to background check a certain guy, Y will pretend to be a hawt stripper on the club. And as B...
