The Colours of August MxM (Staten Krown)

12

It's the 2nd hour when Chuck pisses himself. The streams of piss go down his leg and I watch almost not recognizing the great Chuck Crawford. Beau looks over at me. He doesn't say a word. He doesn't have to. I can feel it. This was the man that I had been so submissive to. This was the man that I thought was more powerful than anything walking this Earth.

Faced with danger...he pissed himself.

There are footsteps upstairs. They are heavy footsteps. It's too early to be the Mr. and Mrs. Crawford. It is either my sister and Carol or Mary Flannery and June. The voice of June Crawford echoes down the hallway and it become clear there's another man in the house. I look at Beau's face. I could try to explain to Beau that June wasn't like Chuck. It wouldn't matter to him. I probably wouldn't be telling the truth either. June could be just as bad at this point as Chuck. He had been so angry after Mary Flannery was attacked that he was only seeing red.

"I'll be right back," Beau states, "Don't let him out of your sight."

There is violence in his eyes. Pure violence.

I look at Beau, "Wait, Beau, you don't have to do this."

Beau looks angry. He's beyond angry.

"Yes, I do," he states.

Chuck is scared. He shakes as Beau walks past him to get up the stairs. Tears haven't stopped. All of a sudden that tough guy persona was gone in a moment. He'd always been the one in power. The situation after the rape hadn't changed things. He'd marched with the clan terrorizing the local black neighborhood.

The fear doesn't stop until Beau is completely out of sight. Then he turns to me, desperate and upset.

"Help me out of here," he tells me, "Please help me out of here."

"Don't be stupid, Beau has a gun."

"He'll shoot me anyway. You heard him. You want me to die down here?" Chuck asks, "I've been so good to you and your family. Look at all I've done for you."

A part of me always knew Chuck was just waiting for a chance to throw in my face how much of a great benefactor he was to me. I can see it written all over his face.

"You've been amazing," I state.

"See. You know. You know," he says.

"Like when you exchanged money for sex," I ask, "When you taught me that the only way we could have sex is if I'm submissive to you. And I believed it. I believed that I had to be submissive to the point that I didn't understand sex unless it was painful."

"You liked it..." Chuck growls.

"You made me like it," I respond, "Because I had to. Because that was the only way you would help keep me afloat with the pennies your parents pay me and my sister."

I'm angry saying these things and Chuck is angry listening to them. In those moments in the basement, it just seems like we clash with anger. I'd never really seen this dynamic between us. It had always been so...different.

"Don't be ungrateful."

The words spit out of his mouth as though I owe him anything. He is offended that I would even bring up our sexual relationship. I look at him. I look at the piss down his leg. All of a sudden Chuck is nowhere near that tough. All of a sudden he is small. He just seems so goddam small now.

I shake my head, "You watched when your friends violated me. I thought you cared about me. Hell, I thought a part of you may have loved me. But that ain't love, is it? What happened in that barn ain't love. I try to put it in the back of my head and ignore it with all the other things you've done because you taught me that it was acceptable."